


it might not be so sweet feeling this heat

by thekaidonovskys



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alpha Hermann, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Asexual Character, Caretaking, Comfort, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mildly Dubious Consent, Omega Newt, Rejection, Relationship Negotiation, Sexual Content, asexual Omega
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-12 08:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3350789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekaidonovskys/pseuds/thekaidonovskys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They run out of heat suppressant pills in the last year of the war. </p><p>When an Omega group meeting is held, Tendo gently breaking the news to them, Newt nearly starts crying there and then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. well I will figure this one out on my own

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been reading Alpha/Omega fic lately and I’m such a sucker for it - except for the fact that, by nature, it’s incredibly sexual. The Omega in heat, needing constant sex, the detailed scenes… well, I’m asexual as fuck and I end up missing half the story since I need to skim it. And this led me to wonder - what about an asexual Omega who mentally despises sex, who is sex repulsed, who hates anything to do with sex, stuck in a body that’s in the middle of heat and begging for it? Who wins - the physical or the emotional? Here’s what I think.
> 
> Mildly dubious consent warning for a flashback scene (italicized section) showing Newt’s war between body and mind, and an Alpha who thinks he knows what’s best for Newt but kind of doesn’t. Consent is not explicitly given, and sex is kind of detailed. Hopefully not triggering, but needs mentioning anyway - some have mentioned being uncomfortable with the scene.

They run out of heat suppressant pills in the last year of the war. 

When an Omega group meeting is held, Tendo gently breaking the news to them, Newt nearly starts crying there and then. 

"We're going to handle this the best we can," Tendo tells them. "I met with the Alphas this morning - there's a group who are willing to be on call, who are able to take a few days off without any larger repercussions, and who can help you all through your heats. You'll report to Medical as you always did to receive the pill, only this time you'll receive an Alpha and a locked room. Obviously those who already have an Alpha, whether you've been taking the pills or not, stay with them. Even if you're both front line - we'll make it work." His eyes sweep over Aleksis Kaidonovsky, who nods slightly. "Those in situations where you are on the front line or needed at work constantly, Medical are working on ways to get you through your heat faster. No promises, but they're trying. Otherwise... well, it just has to happen. But it's gonna be alright. We will get _all_ of you through this."

The emphasis in that final sentence is very deliberate. Only one person notices.

There are a few questions, but on the most part everybody takes the news in their stride. Some it doesn't affect at all - those in lower level positions with bonded Alphas have been allowed to forego the pills and have their heats as normal anyway. Others seem excited about the prospect of finally being allowed to go into heat again - Newt hears more than a few murmurs about 'amazing heat sex' as they disperse. 

Newt stays behind, sitting at the table, staring at his hands. He wants to throw up.  

Tendo sits across from him and takes his hands. He drops two pills into them. "It's all I could get," he says. "Had to give the other spares to Aleksis. Emergencies _only_ , Newt. If there's an imminent Kaiju attack, or you're out of the Shatterdome for any reason. Otherwise..." He sighs. "I'm sorry. I really am." 

"Why can't you be an Alpha?" Newt mutters. "You'd at least treat me right."

Tendo smiles softly, but sadly. "I haven't told any of the Alphas about your... situation. Wasn't sure if you wanted me to pick one for you or if -" 

He leaves it hanging. Newt shrugs. "Haven't got one, but you knew that. Pick someone awful so I don't at least inflict a horrible time on someone nice?"

"You mean like Chuck?" Newt shudders and pulls a face and Tendo chuckles. Chuck, the epitome of a cocky Alpha, is the last person Newt could ever trust with his heat. "Didn't think so. There are a couple of people who might work out well, but... what about Hermann?"

Newt scoffs. "What about Hermann?"

"He's an Alpha."

"I smell the man every day, Tendo. I know damn well he's an Alpha. Just like he knows I'm an Omega. We've worked in the same lab for nearly eight years, pheromones everywhere, and it's never once inspired us to engage with one another. Why would you pick Hermann?"

"You know why."

Newt shakes his head - not in denial, but in clear indication that bringing his feelings for Hermann into this isn't going to help. "Look," he says, "I can handle it myself. I don't need an Alpha." 

"That's a bad decision, Newt," Tendo says quietly. "We can get you someone who... understands the situation -"

"For gods sake, just call it what it is," Newt snaps. "Someone who understands that I'm an asexual Omega? That if I have to have sex to deal with my heat, I'm gonna cry and freak out and hate it? Or that I need an Alpha to guide me through my heat with both of us ignoring the pull to have sex, just so I don't have a panic attack? I haven't met anybody yet, Tendo, so how the hell do _you_ propose to find them?"  

Tendo scrubs a hand across his face. "I don't know. I wish I could. I wish I could make this easier on you."

Newt's anger abates as quickly as it came. "Not your fault," he says. "I'm sorry. I'm just... not thrilled. Obviously. I've been on suppressants for ten years now and even then I sometimes still get the heat flares. To go through a whole heat again... and then to go to some random Alpha on top of that and try to get them to help me through it? I can't. I just _can't_."

Tendo crosses to his side of the table, sits next to him, and holds out his arms. "C'mere," he says, and Newt hugs him. Tendo holds him steady - warm, safe, and so very Beta, Tendo is one of the few people Newt feels comfortable around. "I'm gonna call on all my contacts every fucking day, I promise. As soon as those pills are back in circulation, you're getting them. And I'll make some discreet inquiries - I won't say what the deal is, but I'll see if there's an Alpha who might've experienced a more unconventional heat before." 

Newt knows how slim the odds are - but he also knows Tendo's doing everything he can to try and help. "Thanks," he murmurs. "I'll be okay, though. Survived it for years without the suppressants, sure I can do it again." 

He's not sure. He knows Tendo isn't either. But if they keep up the facade together, maybe it'll be okay. 

***

Shortly after Newt's fourteenth birthday, his first heat began to manifest. And, as was customary, his parents called in a training Alpha - one specifically designed for Omegas in their first heat. The girl was from a professional training agency and her manner was cool and clinical. She discussed the process with Newt's parents, explaining what she would do to guide him through it - the process was as nonsexual as possible, mainly helping the Omega understand their desires and how to act on them, but of course there was going to be sex at some point - and accepted her payment. Then they showed her into his room, where Newt, knowing exactly what was happening to him but still scared and confused, was waiting. He was in the first throes of heat. 

She went in and closed the door. 

Ten minutes later, she emerged. Her clothes had hastily been thrown back on, her eyes were still a little wild around the edges, and she looked concerned. From inside the room, Newt's parents could hear him sobbing. 

His mother - a fellow Omega, immune to his heat pheromones - went in to comfort him. His father sat the girl down, Alpha to Alpha, and quickly learned how Newt had reacted to being touched. How he had flipped out and tried to get away, even as his body responded. How, physically, he was showing all the signs of accepting the heat, but emotionally he was distraught, panicked, terrified. Not just frightened about being in his first heat, but something far more.  

"He might be gay," she suggested - but she didn't sound convinced. "But I've never seen a reaction like that. I can't go any further - it would upset him too badly." 

She left. 

Newt spent the next three days in agony and distress. When his heat finally broke, he was exhausted, unsated, but relieved. He'd survived what felt like hell and now it was over.  

And then, a couple of months later, it returned. This time they brought him a man - from the same agency, same age, same professionalism. 

In fact, it was all the same, right down to Newt panicking when the Alpha came too close and bursting into tears when he tried to touch him. 

So then it was therapists. Doctors. Omega training. Heat classes. All drawing blanks. 

Until one day, aged sixteen, a few days recovered from another exhausting and physically unsatisfying heat, they got a call. It was a small study, looking into Omegas with reactions like Newt's. Ones who had yet to manage a heat with an Alpha. 

Apparently he wasn’t the only one.

The study had been going on for years; there were so few people who react this way that they only tended to get one in every couple of years. But they _did_ get them, that was the point, enough that they were realising that this was a real thing that was going on, that was affecting enough of their Omegas to have an impact. Mostly the participants were from bad backgrounds - abuse, or witnesses of abuse to other Omegas - but some of them were like Newt. No trigger to the apparent sex repulsion they felt - their body still wanted sex, after all, and wanted it badly - but it was there. And it was strong enough to stop them from successfully being guided through a heat with an Alpha. 

He was tested and counselled and interviewed for six days. And in the end, they had a word for him. 

Asexual. 

His mother cried. His father asked about treatment. 

Newt sat in silence. He tried not to show his relief. 

There was a word for him. And he wasn't alone. 

The next heat was still hell - knowing who he was didn’t change that. But at least Newt finally understood why. 

*** 

His first heat in ten years at least has the decency to start showing its signs on a Sunday afternoon. 

It's wartime - weekends aren't a priority or even a promise. But on days when it is calm, the majority like to keep Sundays quiet and as work-free as possible. It holds religious connotations for some, and overall is just a good idea. People usually stick to their own rooms, or hang around in the communal areas. There’s little traffic in the corridors, and little noise. 

It's a great blessing for Newt. It gives him the chance to walk through the halls without running into too many Alphas - his heat pheromones are already beginning, and any unbonded Alphas would be drawn to him on instinct - and get to Tendo's room. He knocks firmly, waits for confirmation (because while the Alphas and Omegas are having wild heat sex, Tendo is calmly working his way through the Betas, and Newt sure as hell doesn't want to walk in on that), and enters. "Hey," he says quietly. "Heat leave paperwork." 

Tendo finds it for him even as his worried eyes take Newt in. "It's not too late," he says as he brings the forms over, carefully not touching Newt. "Nayoko is on call and I know how kind and gentle she can be."

Newt shakes his head. "Can't."

"Okay. You've got food?" Newt shakes his head again and Tendo grabs his pass key. "Let's go."

Having Tendo accompany him is a godsend - the heat is beginning to build, and a couple of passing Alphas eye him up, until Tendo gives them warning looks. As a Beta, he technically can't stop an Alpha from taking Newt if they want him, but the Shatterdome doesn't buy into Alpha politics. Nobody gets Newt without Newt’s explicit permission, and the only person who tells Tendo what to do is Marshal Pentacost.

It's rare for a Beta to be as high up as Tendo - it's not that they're disrespected, but that their natural instincts are not inclined towards leadership. But then, Tendo isn't a leader; he's a facilitator. He keeps things in order, keeps them running smoothly, and is able to relate to Alphas, Betas, and Omegas alike. He's the classic Beta, only with a higher rank thanks to wartime conditions. 

And Tendo proves his facilitating powers by getting them in and out of the kitchen in less than a minute. He's set up heat food packs, with all the kinds of foods that can be tolerated by Omegas in heat (not much) but will give them the energy and nutrients they need. "Damn, you're good," Newt says as he looks at it.  

"I try," Tendo says, smiling a little. Mostly he still looks worried. "C'mon, let's get you to your room. I can't smell pheromones and even I can tell how close you're getting." 

Newt nods. He can feel it too, creeping up under his skin, warming through his whole body. He's trembling already, just a little, but he isn't sure whether that's the heat or his own terror. 

Probably both. 

They almost get back without incident. Two doors away from Newt's room, Herc is just exiting his own room, and stops in his tracks. He inhales, then physically steps back - clearly the opposite of what he wants to do. "Got an Alpha, Newt?" he asks. 

"He's being taken care of," Tendo says smoothly. 

Herc nods. "Good." He backs up another step, leaning against his door. "Go quickly, would you?" 

Newt does. As soon as they're past him, Herc walks none-too-slowly in the other direction. Newt doesn't look back - he knows Herc's fists are clenched, knows he's struggling to keep himself from running back and taking Newt to his room, taking care of him in every way he possibly can. 

There's a reason the suppressant pills have been mandatory all these years - unbonded Omegas in heat are almost impossible for an Alpha's protective and possessive instincts to resist. 

"You alright?" Tendo asks as they reach his door, Newt fumbling for his key. 

Newt nods. "At least it was Herc." Herc is well known for his self control, unlike some of the other Alpha pilots. Newt really didn't want to start his first heat of years by trying to convince Chuck to leave him alone. 

"You're safe," Tendo says, watching from the doorway as Newt enters his room. "Got everything you need? Remember, if it gets too much, call me. I'll find you someone who can help." 

Newt isn't going to do that, but he nods anyway. "Thanks." He suddenly shudders hard and closes his eyes against the first proper wave of heat. "Get out of here," he says - because Tendo isn't an Alpha, but the heat doesn't always care about that.  

"Take care of yourself," Tendo says, and closes the door.  

Newt immediately crosses the room and locks it. Then he sinks to the ground, wraps his arms around his knees, and closes his eyes. The need is building strong. 

But he can do this. He can. There's no other way. 

He’s learned that the hard way.

***

_"You're an Omega," he says as he takes off his belt. "You're in heat. You need an Alpha. I'm an Alpha. Aren't you supposed to be smart, Newt?"_

_Newt whimpers. He's curled up in the corner of his bed, trembling. Some of that is the heat - already nearly a day in, burning, relentless - but a lot of it is fear._

_"C'mon," Steve says, kneeling on the bed next to him, now completely naked. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, you know that." He gently coaxes Newt's legs down and runs his hands up Newt's thighs - and Newt's body reacts, in direct contrast to his brain. "There you go," Steve says, sounding pleased. "Let's get those clothes off, hey?"_

_And Newt wants to fight, wants to kick and scream and swear and get out -_

_But what if it works?_

_What if he can get past his distaste and distress long enough to let his body do what it needs, to get through the heat quicker and easier? Because it's horrible, his skin wanting to crawl as his clothes are taken off him, as hands caress his bare skin - but his skin doesn't crawl because his body needs it. His heat needs it._

_And when his body is_ invaded _, Newt cries out, and his body_ sings _. It’s finally getting exactly what it needs, brain and heart be damned._

_So he switches off, at least as much as he can. He's still shaking, whimpering, trying not to cry - only now that all makes it seem like he's enjoying it. His body is responding like it was made for this, his first orgasm quick and hard and so good but not good not at all._

_Newt has never felt so at war with himself._

_It doesn't seem to be working at first - his orgasms, albeit powerful and apparently necessary, are having no effect, the heat still burning as strong as always - and Newt's about ready to call it quits and go scrub himself raw in the shower, when a final orgasm shudders through him and his whole body slumps, a boneless relaxation that he's never felt before seeping into him. He immediately feels cooler, and he's not shaking quite so much._

_So this is why Omegas go to Alphas to get through their heat._

_But Newt isn't an ordinary Omega - because while his body buzzes with the aftermath of pleasure and the relief of his heat, his mind recoils. He feels sick. He can't think about what they've just done without shuddering. And he desperately wants to cry._

_They're both collapsed on their backs, both still getting their breath back. Now, Newt curls away, onto his side, back to Steve. He huddles up in a protective ball and bites the inside of his cheek to keep the tears at bay._

_There's a moment of silence, then movement as Steve sits up. "What's wrong?" he asks, pressing a hand to Newt's shoulder. Newt flinches, and it's quickly removed. "Did I hurt you?"_

_Newt shakes his head, tucks himself in tighter. "Didn't like it," he mutters._  

_"You... you didn't_ like _it?" Steve laughs, and it's not meant to hurt but oh god it does. "Newt, you came three times. Of course you did."_

_"Didn't. Only came 'cause I had to."_

_"Nobody comes because they have to. You've gotta be enjoying it."_

_Newt attempts to explain. Its the last time he'll ever do so. "The heat makes my body react and makes it want sex, but I don't. My mind, my emotions. I'm... asexual. I don't like sex."_  

_Steve just looks so puzzled. "But you enjoyed it," he protests. "And your heat's gonna be heaps easier now. I know some Omegas don't like what their heat makes them feel, how needy they get and all that, but if the end product is good then... what's the problem?"_

_Newt doesn't reply, just shrugs a little._

_"You're gonna need me again in a couple of hours," Steve says after a bit. "So here's option one. Take a nap, I'll get you some food when you wake up, then we'll go again. Then I reckon twice more through the night and your heat should break in the morning. But - option two - if I leave you now, it's gonna take twice as long for you to get through it, and I doubt you'll get any sleep. Your choice, though. What's it gonna be?"_  

_Three more times. Three more miserable, horrible experiences, where his body rebels against his mind and his emotions are in turmoil._

_Newt glances over at his desk, at the stack of textbooks. At his calendar, showing his final exam in two days. If he doesn't do this, he'll only just be finishing his heat when his exam begins. He could ask for Omega exception, always granted during and up to two days after heat, but he did that last exam. He's sick of causing a fuss, being a burden, all because he hates sex._

_If his body will perform, respond, and do what it needs to do to get him through his heat in time, then the rest of Newt will grit his teeth and bear it._

_"I'll take a nap," he says._  

_Steve hums in approval. "Good," he says. "But you are feeling better, right?"_

_Newt slowly nods. "Yeah," he says._  

_Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. Emotionally, he's not sure if he'll ever be okay._  

_But right now he doesn't know which is more important._

***

The bath is lukewarm, bordering on cold. Newt submerges himself, feels it cool his overheated skin. It's a temporary relief - he's got a long three days ahead. 

But this is his life. This is his reality, as an asexual Omega. And he knows now that the physical relief of easing his heat through sex is not enough to make up for the damage it does to his heart. 

He's going to get through it. He's going to survive to the end of the war, and then he's going to get back on his suppressant pills and go back to normal. And until then, he'll do this on his terms.

The heat rolls through his body and Newt closes his eyes. 


	2. so hold your tongue and hear me out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still remembers his father asking how to fix it. As if Newt was just a problem, something that didn’t fall into his class, into his stereotype, like a good little Omega should. And Hermann likes solving problems, likes putting things into their right place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support/feedback; some of it has been very interesting. I should take this time to mention that I'm not a supporter of the A/B/O dynamic in that I blindly love everything about it. I always get drawn in because of the power imbalance and caretaking aspects of the relationship, but that's because I love D/s. The big difference, of course, is that those partaking in D/s relationships make a conscious choice to do so, while Alphas and Omegas are put in those roles by birth - and therein lie many problems. Explicit consent and consent issues, instinct-driven behaviour overriding rational thought/what somebody would normally do, and Alphas having the right to take control of Omegas as soon as they go into heat, are just a few of the things I plan on addressing and pointing out the flaws in as this fic goes along.
> 
> Also, I’ve changed this from a series to a chapter fic. I don’t think that changes anything though in terms of your reading of it.

Newt walks into the lab the day after the heat passes, exhausted but ready to work. Technically he should stay off another day to recover - but technically he has nothing to recover _from_. Most Omegas after their heat ends are tired and sore and coming down from an endorphin rush. Newt is just tired and unsatisfied. He doesn't deserve a day off for that. 

Besides, the war doesn't end because an Omega goes into heat. He's got a lot of work to catch up on. 

Hermann looks up at his arrival, gives him a small nod, then returns to his work. 

A second later his head shoots up again and he stares. 

Newt squirms. "What?" he snaps - and okay, maybe he's still on edge, maybe he should take the day off, but the way Hermann is staring at him is getting to Newt badly. It's confusion, worry, and a hint of Alpha protectiveness, and that last bit is a serious concern. " _What_?" he asks again, more insistently. 

"You've been in heat," Hermann says.

Newt rolls his eyes. "Well, yeah, duh. I filed the paper-"

"Alone."

Newt snaps his mouth shut. It's his turn to stare. "You can't possibly know -"

"There's no scent of an Alpha on you."

"What, you think I'd just come straight here without showering or -"

Hermann isn't letting him finish a single sentence. "It lingers. You know that. Plus, you're tired, but not worn out, and clearly not sated. You went through your heat alone, didn't you?”

He could lie. There’s no point - Hermann knows, and Hermann’s making it his business. Newt sighs, then nods. 

" _Why_?" Hermann asks softly, and now he looks seriously worried. "There's a team of Alphas - I was at the meeting, I know -"

"Don't trust them," Newt mutters. 

Hermann stops. Newt knows he's thrown him - in the depths of heat, Omegas aren't exactly choosy about their Alpha (unless they've bonded, of course). There has to be a serious issue for an Omega to reject an able and willing Alpha. 

And now Hermann's trying to figure it out.

Newt shakes his head. "Don't bother," he says, and turns to his desk. "I got through it, alright? I've got two of the pills stashed away so I'm not gonna be a liability if there's an emergency, and otherwise it isn't your business - just like it wouldn't be mine to ask who you were taking care of last week." 

Hermann blinks at that, then nods. "Of course. I do apologize."

Because while everybody knows one another's status (Alpha and Omega pheromones make it obvious, as do the lack of them in Betas), the nature of how people match up to deal with it is their business alone. Only bonds are made public, and even then only those that matter - such as Aleksis and Sasha Kaidonovsky, required knowledge to pass their pilot training. To try and force information out of an Alpha or Omega about their partners is a huge breach of etiquette (though less so for Alphas to force it out of Omegas. Of course).

Newt presumes that goes for _or lack of_ as well. 

He nods. "No problem. Let's just get to work. What did I miss?"

Hermann begins filling him in, and Newt starts getting himself settled back in. He's got a lot to do, and there's no time for either of them to dwell on his heat. 

***

It’s not that Newt doesn’t trust Alphas. It’s just that they don’t _get it_.

Though, to be fair, few people do. Even fellow Omegas who Newt has confided in over the years have been puzzled - because they know how overpowering the heat instincts are, how sometimes they can be inconvenient and not necessarily wanted, but they’re too caught up in the eventual enjoyment to ever understand how somebody could try to fight against it. It’s a common belief that even the worst of heats - because some are bad, some are stressful, some push both Alpha and Omega to their limits - end up being enjoyed, and if there isn’t enjoyment in it then something’s wrong between with either the Alpha, the Omega, or the relationship. Usually it’s presumed that the Omega is the one at fault. 

There’s a pretty clear reason why asexual Omegas aren’t too forthcoming about their identities. 

They’ve tried, over the years, to publicise it, to get support and understanding and recognition. The people operating the study Newt took part in published their findings a few years before the Kaiju invasion. A few newspapers picked up the story, and a small morning TV show invited the researchers in to talk about their findings. Giving them a five minute slot between the cooking section and a viewer giveaway, the two Alpha presenters allowed the researchers less than a minute to talk, then spent the other four pointing out how most of the cases dealt with those who had been victims of abuse, and perhaps all that was needed was therapy? Presenting it as if they had given the researchers groundbreaking new information, and that with that, all of these ‘troublesome Omegas’ would be able to be pulled back into line and follow their instincts like the rest of their class. They could _be normal_.

Cases like Newt’s were never discussed. Even in the incredibly tentative box of asexual Omegas, Newt didn’t fit into the box. 

That was as far as it ever got. But after a reception like that, most asexual Omegas were pretty glad it didn’t get any further. Even with the uprising of Omega rights, people still weren’t willing to try to understand, and they were more likely to be labelled as Alpha haters - Omegas who, with the right to finally reject unwanted Alphas, suddenly develop incredibly picky ‘tastes’ and end up going through dramatic heats alone to the point where emergency Alphas have been called to guide them through it. No real surprise that Alphas didn't think a lot of that. 

Even with rights, there were still certain types of Omegas that other Omegas didn’t want to be. 

Omega rights had been great for some, of course. The right to freedom of discrimination on the basis of being an Omega had allowed Omegas to enter jobs they had been banned from for years - and, most shockingly, had led to the first Omega Jaeger pilot in Aleksis Kaidonovsky. Of course an unbonded Omega could never make it to his level, the old stereotype that Omegas without Alphas weren’t trusted in dangerous jobs still being honoured despite the new rights, but with Sasha as his Alpha and wife, and his scores as some of the highest ever recorded, the PPDC had taken the risk, and set themselves up as an equal opportunity employer at all levels. 

It’s paid off. Newt’s own application to Jaeger Academy had been prompted by it, and he knows other Omegas had done the same for the same reasons - freedom. Not true freedom, not the freedom of an Alpha, or even a Beta, but the _illusion_ of freedom. The feeling of walking around the building and being just like everybody else… until their heat began, of course. But with the introduction of suppressant pills, just over ten years ago and designed exactly for those such as Aleksis Kaidonovsky and, later, Raleigh Beckett (an _unbonded_ Omega, another milestone), it had become even easier for Omegas to…

Well, _pass_. Meet the bar. Because their pheromones made it easy to be identified, but without the heats - and _bless_ the Shatterdome, once again, for allowing all of their Omegas to take the suppressant pills instead of just the high profile ones or those with medical issues related to their heats - it was much easier to not feel isolated, or inferior. Apart from visits to Medical to pick up their pills and get their contraceptive implants checked up on once a year, they were, if nothing else, just like the Betas. 

(Some Alphas still insisted, and still insist, on lording their ‘superior’ status over Betas and Omegas alike, of course. But under Marshal Pentacost’s rule, strict consequences come from any Alpha posturing, or discrimination against _anybody_ for their status. That goes for everybody, up to and including Chuck Hansen. Though that one is still a work in progress.)

Of course, Newt’s never quite felt as free as other Omegas. He still has his own restrictions, and those aren’t going to be helped by a few rights and pretend freedom. He’s still trapped in his own skin, in a way that he can’t solve or share.

Newt’s own self-outing thankfully never went further than the bedroom. Steve never really understood Newt’s continued emotional distress throughout the rest of the heat, nor did he get Newt’s reluctance to be near him in the days after. But he never pushed it - there were plenty of willing Omegas on a university campus, enough that one would be going into heat just about daily. And it's not like they’d been dating or anything. After Newt’s third day avoiding him, Steve just moved on - and yeah, that left Newt feeling pretty fucking guilty about just ignoring the guy (and the issue at hand), but god was he relieved that it was over. 

He’d learned a valuable lesson - never let himself be near an Alpha at any stage of his heat ever again.

(It was also a rather good reminder to Newt to be more careful about clearing his schedule when he’s going into heat - but he _swore_ he’d remembered to cancel their study session before he went under)

The closest Newt’s ever come to somebody understanding him is Betas. Because Betas still have relationships and sex, of course, but they’re immune to pheromone instincts that Alphas and Omegas both succumb to during heat. They have sex when they desire it naturally. Which, yes, Alphas and Omegas do outside heat as well, but without the heat to contrast it to, Betas are generally far more relaxed about sex as a whole. They only have it when they want it. 

Saying that Betas understand isn’t accurate, of course, because not all do. Many Betas struggle with their place in society, with large numbers having either Alpha or Omega complexes. Some have reached the point of trying to fake their pheromones, using bottled Alpha or Omega scents - others just fill in if an Alpha or Omega needs a partner. On occasion an Omega, desperate for someone to guide them through their heat, will take a strong and confident Beta if they’re out of options. And there have been a few Alpha/Beta or Beta/Alpha relationships that have actually worked, although publicly derided, of course, for seeking someone outside of their proper class. But on the whole, Betas with complexes don’t do so well - and they’re certainly not the ones Newt would go to. They’d probably just think he was trying to change his identity, just like them. 

But when Newt finds a Beta who’s fully accepting of themselves and their place in society, then he knows he’s got a good chance of being accepted as _himself_. 

Tendo is his case in point. And Tendo is the only one who Newt is out to as asexual. 

He’s worried that Hermann might be next, though. Hermann is an Alpha and, despite never being one for lording his class over others, Newt is worried about how far his _concern_ is going to take him. Steve had only ever been _concerned_ , wanting to help, and Newt still carries the mental scars from that heat. Hermann knows there’s something that’s stopped Newt from letting an Alpha aid him through his heat, and if his _concern_ leads him to finding out what it is, Newt’s gonna be even more worried. 

He still remembers his father asking how to fix it. As if Newt was just a problem, something that didn’t fall into his class, into his stereotype, like a good little Omega should. And Hermann likes solving problems, likes putting things into their right place. 

Fuck that. There’s nothing _wrong_ with Newt - he’s a smart, sensible and kind human being who works hard and does good most of the time. The fact that he doesn’t succumb to primal instincts should be a _positive_.

But, of course, society is fucked up. And until that changes, they’ll just keep telling him that he’s the fucked up one. 

So Newt’s gonna stay quiet and keep handling it. 

***

By late afternoon, he's yawning - last night was his first proper sleep since the heat began, and it absolutely wasn't enough to get him through today. He can't finish early though, not after three days off, and Newt's just considering whether he can drag himself to the coffee machine when a mug is placed on his desk. He starts and looks up, where Hermann is turning away. "You looked like you needed it," he says quietly.

Newt tries not to think too hard about the motivations behind that - but he doesn't have to think. He only has to smell. Hermann's Alpha pheromones, usually just a dormant part of him, a simple part of his identifying DNA, are flaring up. Newt hasn't had many Alphas before, and never for very long, but he knows what these pheromones are all about: protectiveness, care, concern. Security. And the smallest flickers of possessiveness.

Newt stares down at the coffee and wonders a little. It's been a very long time since he's had an Alpha display these sorts of emotions towards him. 

When he looks up, Hermann's turned back, and he looks uncertain. "I'm not asking anything of you," he says. "I - I respect that you've handled the heat alone, and will continue to do so. I’m not trying to… to prove that I’m a good Alpha, or anything like that. But you're in the aftermath and - and usually in the aftermath, with Omegas I've had, it's about staying close, dealing with the exhaustion and ensuring their needs are met. You don't have anybody for that and..." Hermann shrugs. "Instincts."

Newt smiles a little. It’s mostly in guilt - he’s forgotten about this part, that his own pheromones are flaring just as badly as Hermann’s, and affecting his unbonded Alpha lab partner. "You know those instincts are gonna flare up after every heat, right? Sorry about that."

"It's okay. You can't help it any more than I can. So... things like that," Hermann concludes, gesturing to the coffee, "they might happen. Unless you tell me not to."

"I'm -" Newt looks down at the mug again. "I'm not gonna say no," he says quietly. "I appreciate it. But don't start thinking you can tell me when to stop working or anything like that, yeah?"

"I won't. I know I'm not your Alpha."

Newt nods and sips at the coffee. He’d love to point out that even if Hermann was his Alpha he wouldn’t have the right to tell Newt to stop working, but he doesn’t push it. After a bit he realizes Hermann is still hovering, and arches a brow. "Something else?"

"Will you always be feeling this lonely afterwards?"

Newt carefully lowers his mug. "I'm projecting that, am I?" he asks. 

"You are. Strongly."

"Sorry," Newt says again - because he knows that's got to be playing haywire with Hermann's natural protective instincts. It doesn't matter whether an Alpha loves or despises him, they still pick up the pheromones the same way (though they don’t always act on them. Hermann choosing to do so is _all_ Hermann, and that makes Newt wonder more). "But, um. Yeah. Guess so." He sighs. "Heat's innately about conception, you know that. I guess I get a bit down about the fact that the time that I'm supposed to spend conceiving a child with a partner - even though I wouldn't be - is spent alone."

Hermann sighs. It sounds sad. "You need to be with an Alpha, Newton," he murmurs. 

"Not happening," Newt snaps. He already regrets saying anything - now he just seems _weak._ “First of all: ever heard of Omega rights? I’m free to say no to an Alpha trying to assert their dominance over me and my heat - which means I’m free to say no to _all_ Alphas if I wanna do it alone. And having some random Alpha in the room with me while I'm in heat really isn't gonna make me feel any more _comforted_."

"It's the _random_ part, isn't it?" Hermann says softly. “I know you have the right to not have an Alpha if you don’t wish to, and I would never tell you otherwise. But you… you’re _craving_ one, Newton. I can tell.”

Newt looks down, fiddles with the handle of the coffee mug. He doesn’t answer. 

Why bother? His fucking pheromones are speaking volumes.

“Who do you trust around here?” Hermann asks. 

Newt shrugs. "Tendo."

"Tendo's a Beta."

"And that's why I spent my heat alone."

Hermann hesitates. When he speaks, Newt can tell he's choosing his words very carefully. "I know we have never been the - the closest of friends. But we understand one another, better than anybody else out there. If you - I wouldn't dare to presume you would choose me normally, but if it's about needing somebody you know -"

Newt sighs. "Shit, Hermann. It's not you, it's me."

"Incredibly cliche," Hermann murmurs. 

"Incredibly true," Newt counters. "Look. There's..." He can't believe he's saying this, but Hermann's not letting this go without Newt giving him _something_ , that much is clear. "There's more to this than just trust issues," he finally says. "I'm - I've got some shit going on that means I can't get through my heat the way I should. Not even on my own, definitely not with an Alpha. _Any_ Alpha. Even one I trusted. The trust thing is more that I don't trust anybody enough to explain _why_."

Hermann takes him in for a long moment. Newt holds himself very still under his gaze.

"Okay," Hermann says.

Newt blinks. "Okay?"

"It's your business to share or not," Hermann says calmly. "I certainly won't push it. You’ve said no, you’ve given me a clear rejection. I’m not the type of Alpha who believes that you owe me more than that, that because I’ve been so kind to select you that you should bow to my every whim.” His words are dripping with sarcasm, and Newt smiles a little, but it’s sad. They both know how many Alphas still believe that, how society in general still thinks it’s completely acceptable. “And if there’s one good thing about your pheromones flaring badly today,” Hermann continues, “it’s that they tell me what I need to know. Asking what it is about your heat that impacts upon your ability to get through it ‘as you should’ is going to send you into serious distress. I won’t do that.”

“Thanks,” Newt mutters. He’s grateful, truly, but he just wants to get away from this subject altogether.

Hermann nods. “If it means a day every few months where our pheromones flare up and things like this happen -" he nods once again to the coffee, "- then that's okay. At least, it's okay with me. I can handle that. Can you?"

Newt smiles, real and relieved. "Yeah. Um. It helps. Might not be able to have an Alpha during heat, but it's nice that one cares about my recovery anyway.”

Hermann smiles too. “In that case, would it be crossing the line to ask whether you’ll consider finishing for the night soon?”

“It wouldn’t.”

Newt waits, smirking a little. After a moment, Hermann sighs and rolls his eyes. “Yes, of course, my apologies. Will you consider finishing for the night soon?”

Newt looks down at his papers, does a few quick calculations. “Another hour,” he says. “Hour and a half, tops. Then I’ll be caught up on the paperwork and I can devote tomorrow to dissections.”

“Fantastic,” Hermann mutters. Newt laughs. “Can I ask you to promise to that time frame?”

Newt shakes his head. “Too far,” he says.

Hermann nods. “Understood. I’ll return to my work, let you get on with it.”

Newt knows Hermann isn’t leaving with hurt feelings - he’s not a cocky Alpha, he doesn’t get prissy if an Omega asks him to back off - but he still doesn’t want to leave the exchange on that note. “Hey,” he calls as Hermann sits back down, then raises the coffee again when Hermann looks up. “Thanks. Really.”

Hermann smiles. “You’re welcome.”

They both know it’s less about the coffee and far more about what it symbolizes.

***

When Newt gets back to his room, just over an hour later, he steps in the door, sniffs, and grimaces.

The next half hour is spent in stripping the bed, opening the windows to air the room out (it’s November, it’s freezing, but it’s necessary), and sterilising the contents of his black box. He’s spent three days in here, succumbing to the needs of his heat, and now he wants all traces of sex and pheromones gone. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t actually had sex with a partner - the aftermath of his own orgasms are enough right now to trigger Newt’s high levels of sex repulsion. 

Finally he deems the room clean. And finally he can put his Omega side aside, lock it all away in the same way he locks away his black box, and forget once more that he turns into nothing short of a primal animal for three days every few months. 

He’s an Omega by nature - and sure, parts of that are present in his everyday life, in his personality, in his very being. But on the whole, Newt would like nothing more than to throw his identity away, to become a Beta, to become _nothing_. To get rid of this whole fucking hierarchy that revolves around sex, and just be himself. 

To never have sex. To never _crave_ sex. 

To be free. 

Newt switches off the lights and gets into his bed, clean sheets a beautiful relief. One good night’s sleep, and he’ll be ready to face the world again, back to normal. 

His version of normal, anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Hermann is slightly problematic right now. He's got a lot to unlearn. Newt's gonna work on that though, believe me.


	3. but you won't take away my pride, no not this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann has never shown a single inkling of any romantic feelings towards Newt. The only time he’s taken an interest was fuelled entirely by his Alpha hormones and instincts - Hermann doesn’t want Newt. An Alpha wants an Omega, and that’s the oldest story in the book, the one Newt has told himself never to fall for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mentions of abuse (suspicions, not actually true) and another mention or two of Steve. Ironically, Steve is named after my own problematic ex, who I saw for the first time in a year and a half tonight. And in a week I’m going to speak to him for the first time in four years. Oh boy.

 And, three months later, it all happens again. To Newt’s utter joy, of _course_. 

Newt grips the edge of the desk as a shudder rolls through him. _Just one more hour_ , he chants to himself. _One more hour until you can go home and not have to emerge until Tuesday, one more -_  

"Newton." 

Newt shudders again, only this time it's different. This time it's desire and want and need and Hermann. Hermann with his Alpha pheromones and Alpha tone and fucking Alpha _concern_ , standing in front of his desk. Newt looks up, into eyes that could turn possessive in an instant, and groans a little. 

Goddamn Alphas and their protective responses to Omegas in heat. 

But at least it’s telling Newt what he needs to know - he’s left it too long. He’s not going to make it to the hour, no matter how much he tries not to let his heats interfere with his work. Pushing it too much further is gonna end badly. Not just for this situation, but for the fact that he still has to prove, every damn day, that he’s capable of working in a high pressure job without his Omega side interfering with that. Right now, he’s putting that at risk.  

"Might have to call it an early night," Newt says quietly. "Don't think I'm gonna be too good for much longer." 

"Let me walk you to your room," Hermann requests gently. Something in Newt's eyes must register his immediate panic, because Hermann shakes his head. "Not like that... Newton, I cannot abide the thought of you enduring your heat alone. Every instinct in me tells me to - to help you. To keep you safe. To care for you." Hermann's blushing, and Newt isn't surprised - Hermann doesn't talk like this. Ever. "But you've said no. I accept that. So all I wish to do is see you to your room so no other Alphas see your state and try to... assist. I also want to make sure you have adequate food supplies to last you the weekend, and to know that you are safe."

Fuck. Newt wants him bad. 

But he still doesn't. Not like that, not like he should as an Omega, and without the desire, he can't have Hermann as his Alpha. It would be completely unfair to ask Hermann to take care of him without letting him succumb to his own instincts and urges. Hermann will take care of him now, but that's all. Not during his heat proper, it's just not possible. 

So he nods, unclenches his fists, and stands. "Keep your distance," he warns, even though he's sure Hermann knows. "I'm not gone but..."

"You're close," Hermann completes. "I know. That's why I need to get you out now."

Newt lets Hermann lead him out, worrying his bottom lip a little. "What -" he begins, then falters. 

"What is it?"

Newt rubs the back of his neck. "What would have happened if I hadn't gotten out of the lab before my heat really started?"

Hermann stops in his tracks, turning to look at him. "I would have called Tendo," he says firmly. "I would have gotten him to get you back to your room. I would have left, stayed outside the room until Tendo arrived, and ensured your safety by not letting anybody else in."

Newt blinks. "Oh," he says quietly. 

Hermann nods. "My instincts are strong, Newton, but I would never let them hurt you."

Newt keeps walking. He's a bit choked up - and maybe that's stupid, getting emotional just because someone's respected his right to consent. But he's so used to everybody talking about Alpha instincts as if they're the only thing that counts when it comes to an Omega's heat. Knowing that Hermann understands that some things are more important than instincts matters a huge deal. 

The rest of the walk is quiet and, for the last few corridors, slightly urgent. His heat is building fast, and Newt's trembling all over when he finally reaches his door. He's had the first few waves already, and he's about to start drowning in them. He needs to get away from Hermann, and Hermann away from him. 

Hermann stops just short of the doorway. "Food supplies?"

"Stocked up. I'll call Tendo if I run out."

Hermann nods. "You'll be okay?" he asks, his voice soft but so Alpha, almost impossible to resist. 

Newt shudders again - not the heat, but the want. He closes his eyes, sways a little, then regains control. "I - oh _fuck_ , Hermann, I want to ask you in, so badly. But I - I can't. I really _really_ can't."

"Shh," Hermann murmurs. "It's okay. You need to look after yourself in more ways than just taking care of your heat. Do what you know you need to do - I'm usually a big proponent of following the heat instincts, but in this case, don't. Do what you know is right and is going to help you the most." 

Newt nods. It still takes a tremendous effort to step back so he can close the door. "Thank you," he says as he does. 

As soon as it's closed, he presses his forehead to it and stays very still, listening. 

It takes almost five minutes until Hermann finally walks away. Newt gets it. It takes him another ten to stop himself from running after him. 

And then the heat hits him and he really can't think about anything else.  

***

It’s so much harder this time.

Last time, Newt had known that it would only take one phone call to Tendo and there’d be an Alpha knocking at his door. This time, Newt knows it would only take one phone call and _Hermann_ would be at his door.

That’s not an easy thing to resist.

His Omega side wants Hermann for what he can give as an Alpha. But _Newt_ \- all of Newt, Omega side included - just wants Hermann. Wants him as a boyfriend, a partner, as something more than just this odd friendship they’ve got going on. Not for sex (it’s only this side of him that wants that, and only a few days every few months) but romantically. Basically, Newt wants to cuddle the shit out of him and maybe kiss him a bit too. Or a lot.

Except thinking about kissing Hermann while he’s in heat isn’t conductive to getting through this sensibly. Because as nice as Newt thinks it would be to have Hermann here in a romantic context, he knows full well that it wouldn’t happen that way. His fantasies of Hermann carefully guiding him through with soft words and entirely nonsexual hugs is just plain impossible - just having Hermann in the room right now, let alone them touching in any way, would be nothing short of stupid. There’s no damn way he could ever have a nonsexual Alpha, and Newt knows it. 

Besides, Hermann has never shown a single inkling of any romantic feelings towards Newt. The only time he’s taken an interest was fuelled entirely by his Alpha hormones and instincts - _Hermann_ doesn’t want _Newt_. An Alpha wants an Omega, and that’s the oldest story in the book, the one Newt has told himself never to fall for.   

He knows he’s making the right decision by staying alone. He just has to keep telling himself that, and keep the phone very far away. 

***

Returning from his second heat is rather similar to the first, except this time Hermann’s concern takes a decidedly more obvious tone.

“Should you be back this soon?” Hermann asks as soon as Newt walks in. 

Newt looks over at him, eyebrow raised. “Not my Alpha, Hermann,” he warns, trying not to get frustrated - or hurt. He’s spent three days reminding himself that Hermann only gives a shit because it’s instinct-led, and Hermann is kind of proving that nicely right now. 

Hermann sighs. “I’m asking as your lab partner.” He nods to Newt’s desk, where a set of beakers and phials are waiting for him to fill with various venom and saliva samples. “If exhaustion causes your focus to waver, it could result in disaster for both of us.” 

Hermann does have a point, so Newt allows that one. “Heat broke early yesterday morning,” he says. “I’ve had twenty-four hours of recovery and sleep. I’m fine.” 

“If you’re sure.”

Hermann doesn’t sound sure, and Newt’s patience really isn’t going to take this for long. “Okay, look,” he says, putting his things down and turning to face Hermann. “We need to sort this out, you and me. Because I get that you’re just worried and wanting the best for me and all that, and you definitely helped on Friday without overstepping the boundaries so… so first of all, thanks. Really.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I know you’re not an asshole Alpha like others.” _Like most_ , Newt amends in his head, but keeps that to himself. “But you still seem to believe that I’m inferior, that I don’t know how to look after myself, or that I’m gonna put us both at risk out of stubbornness - and all of that, not based on my personality, but based on my Omega status. And that’s some serious Alpha bullshit that I’m not prepared to take. I work hard, I work well, and I work _carefully_. Omegas have already gone through years of trying to prove that we’re good enough to work high-pressure jobs - and when we won that right, it wasn’t conditional on the heat suppressant pills. Hell, we weren’t even _allowed_ those unless our ‘contributions to society’ were significant, until Pentacost told them to shove it and let all of us take them. My point is - my heat doesn’t make me inferior. You’ve never expressed any concern for me working exhausted before - which I have done, loads of times - so you can’t start doing that when it’s heat related. That’s discrimination and unfair. And, yeah, I know my situation is… different, but that doesn’t make me _any_ less capable of handling it. Alright?”

Yeah, so he _really_ didn’t mean to get quite that high up on his soapbox. But Newt doesn’t regret a word - they’re all the words he’s wanted to spit at society and society’s precious Alphas for many years now.  

Hermann looks down. He actually looks ashamed. “You are, of course, completely correct. I would blame my instincts, but then I have myself to blame for blindly following them.” He sighs. “I apologize, Newton. I always told myself that I never bought into Alpha politics, but it seems I learned a lot of questionable things without realising.”

“And that’s not your fault,” Newt says with a nod. “Society’s fucked up. Literally the only reason Alphas are so prized is because of this perceived power they can hold over Omegas.” It’s the reason the suppressant pills were so restricted, after all. “Other than that, the only thing that they’ve got going for them is that they’re more inclined to be leaders, politicians, police… the ones who make the rules and enforce them. The _elite_. But you might as well rank society on our personality types instead of some DNA difference that seriously only matters once every three months. Except we don't - we rank Omegas at the bottom because of their heat and how uncontrollable that makes them, and rank Alphas at the top even though they lose their fucking minds when an Omega goes into heat too.”

“Realistically, Betas should outrank us,” Hermann says. “They’re the most level headed.”

“Damn right. But they, _stereotypically_ , lack the drive for power. And this is all it is, stereotypes. My point is, right from when we were young, we learned that Alphas are the best and Omegas are the worst and even if you didn’t buy into Alphas being better people because of the circumstances of their birth, you still unconsciously learned some seriously problematic shit. We all did. I’ve just had more chance of unlearning it because I’m more fucked up than the average Omega and I’ve seen what it’s like to be on the outside of all of the groups.”

“You’re not fucked up,” Hermann says firmly.

Newt raises an eyebrow - he’s never heard Hermann swear before, he’s kinda impressed - then rolls his eyes. “You don’t even know why.” But one look at Hermann’s face and one moment to understand - _recognise_ \- the pity he sees, and Newt groans. “Oh god. You think I was abused, don’t you?”

To his credit, Hermann doesn’t try to deny it. “It makes the most sense,” he says. 

“This _doesn’t_ make sense. That’s why I don’t talk about it. Why does everybody automatically leap to abuse when I say I don’t want to talk about this?”  

“You were afraid on Friday, of what would have happened if you hadn’t gotten out before your heat set in.” 

Newt sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. “Okay, yeah, I see how that one looks. But I wasn’t abused. The closest I’ve ever gotten was a sketchy Alpha who decided that he was taking me through my heat and I had very little say - but by that point, I was already refusing to go to Alphas. I might’ve worried about being stuck in a room alone with an unbonded Alpha when I was in heat, but that’s kind of a common Omega worry. We’re used to you guys being pushy… um, no offence.”

“None taken.” Hermann considers him for a moment. “It’s psychological, then?” he asks.

Newt should have known this would happen - of course Hermann wouldn’t just let this drop. Of course he needs to know _why_.   

Well, Newt isn’t giving him _why_. Hermann’s just gonna have to deal with it. 

“Look, it doesn’t matter what the cause is,” Newt says firmly. “All it comes down to is that I’m the kind of Omega that other Omegas don’t want to be. That really makes me the bottom of the food chain. If I won’t let an Alpha assert their dominance over me, what good am I?" 

“And here I was thinking that your unconventional heats are the worst things you experience,” Hermann says quietly. 

Newt laughs. It’s more than a little bitter. “Nope. The general casual discrimination and prejudice beats that.”

“What can I do to help?” Hermann asks. “Not… not help you, not like you’ve just been scolding me for. But to try and rectify my behaviour.”

“Do what you’ve done today,” Newt says. “You said things that I wasn’t comfortable with, I told you why it’s an issue, you learned from it and accepted the blame for saying it, and apologised for it. So keep doing that, and then start calling _yourself_ on it.” Hermann nods, and Newt pauses, then smiles a little. “I still like you… y’know, being nice to me after a heat. Not taking care of me, because that implies I can’t do it on my own, but just looking out for me and making my day a bit easier. Because heats are shitty and it’s nice that someone recognises I’ve been through a hard time and wants to make me feel a bit better. That’s what - what friends do.”

“And that’s what you need right now - a friend. Not an Alpha.”

“Exactly.”

“Then that’s what I’ll be. I’ll tell the instincts to pipe down.”

Newt smiles. “Good. I’m not saying you have to change who you are - just don’t ignore the _rest_ of who you are because you happen to be an Alpha too. You’re an Alpha, but you’re not _only_ an Alpha. You can be a good friend without relying on those instincts.”

Hermann appears to be contemplating that. “There is a serious fundamental problem there, isn’t there? Omegas are encouraged to make an identity for themselves that makes people wonder how they’re Omegas when they’re so good at whatever it is they do - they wish to be known for things more than being an Omega. But Alphas… Alphas are successful for just being Alphas.”

Maybe there is hope here after all. “Yeah,” Newt says. “And yeah, it’s a problem. Like most things our society values.”

“You’ve given me a lot to think about,” Hermann says, and stands, crossing the room to the coffee machine. “Which isn’t good, because I should have my mind on my work - society may have problems, but if we don’t solve the issue of the breach, society will cease to exist at all.”

“Yeah, that might be a little more important.” Newt watches Hermann for a bit, smiling when he gets two mugs out of the cabinet, then gets on with his own work.  

Hermann’s right - he probably should focus on saving society before he thinks about how best to fix it.  

Though he might just have made a start here today.  

***

The rest of the day is just _nice_.

Hermann brings him coffee, and calls in lunch for both of them, citing them both being too busy to go get it. They actually sit together and talk while they eat - not about anything in particular, just general talking, in a way they never have - and then get back to work. Hermann doesn’t hover or fuss when Newt extracts the venom and stoppers up the vials, but he seems a little more relaxed once they’re safely tucked away for later experiments. Newt’s more relaxed about that too, so he doesn’t mind. 

More coffee later, and then a joint decision that they both finish up at five. There’s nothing immediately crucial going on, and since Hermann’s been looking tired as well Newt is happy to take off early if it means Hermann’s going to do the same.

They walk down the hall together, stopping at Newt’s door. Hermann pauses and examines him for a moment as Newt finds his keys. “Thank you for speaking freely today,” he says.  

Newt smiles. “Not a problem. Didn’t offend your Alpha sensibilities to have an Omega mouthing off at you?”

He means it as a joke. Hermann takes it seriously. “On some level, it did,” he admits. “But I recognised that, understood that it was based on social conditioning, reminded myself that you are just as human as I and just as worthy of speaking your mind, and hopefully won’t have problems with it in the future.” 

Newt blinks a few times, then shakes his head. “I thought I had my work cut out for me when it came to you, but you’re making this _easy_.”

“It’s quite simple, really,” Hermann says quietly. “And it’s rather shameful to realize that all it takes is treating you with basic respect.”

Newt puts a hand on his shoulder. They don’t do physical contact much, but it feels right. “Unlearning problematic behaviour generally makes you feel like shit. It’s worth it though - this isn’t just for me and my convenience; it’s gonna make life way better for you. Well, until you realize that society’s fucked up and you have to be a part of it, that is. Ignorance is cushy, but it’s also… ignorant.”

“We need to work on your vocabulary,” Hermann says, and gently dislodges Newt’s hand so he can step away towards his room. “But your point is made. My only worry is that I might try to do something like call Chuck out on his behaviour, now that I can truly see how reprehensible it is.”

“I’ll come visit you in Medical if you do.”

“Thank you. Goodnight, Newton.”

“Night, Hermann.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an amazing commenter, Neotoma, who always sends me a massive list of questions after each chapter. I endeavour to answer most of them, and I’ve realised that a lot of the things I’ve answered might not make it into the fic. So if you’re curious about more backstory or info, check that out in the comments.


	4. I think it's time for you to find me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then they Drift. 
> 
> They save the world. 
> 
> Hermann hugs him and Newt doesn't panic that an Alpha is touching him. 
> 
> And then they go back to the lab, sit across from one another, and talk it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay on this chapter. Real life happened, in the form of an interaction with my ex that left me angry. Enough said on that - on with the chapter.

Wartime conditions, oddly enough, allow for far too much social interaction between those involved.

Perhaps it’s due to their particular wartime being concentrated into the space of a few hours every few months (but progressively more frequent, as Hermann continues to point out), leaving a lot of time dedicated to training. Which, for those who don’t train, leaves a lot of time for doing very little.

Hermann and Newt always have something to do, of course. There’s always another calculation, another dissection, another report. But even they have their dull moments, their down time. 

And Newt learns that Hermann is determined to use it to the best of his ability - by learning more about Newt.

He doesn’t pry into Newt’s ‘situation’; Newt has made it extremely clear that it’s off limits, and Hermann is so far respecting that really well - though Newt isn’t stupid enough to think that Hermann isn't thinking about it, that he hasn’t devised his own theories. As long as Hermann doesn't try to discuss those theories, Newt’s happy. But he asks general questions about being an Omega in a high pressure workplace, what the suppressant pills mean to Omegas in general, why so many Omegas fall prey to the ‘charm’ of Alphas like Chuck, and others. Many others. 

Newt is calm. He’s patient. He explains everything he can the best he can. And he sees progress.

Hermann is an academic - he’s used to assimilating information and working it into the way he sees things. In that way, he’s easy to influence. But he’s also shrewd, calculating, and needing all of the data available before he can make a decision. In _that_ way, Newt is so damn pleased that Hermann takes so much of this at Newt’s word alone. Because Hermann will never ever understand what it’s like to be an Omega -

Well. Not unless he Drifts with one. But Hermann is so incredibly medically exempt, and not in a situation where he would ever need to.

Anyway. Hermann isn’t gonna get it, just like Newt isn’t gonna get what it’s like to be an Alpha. But Hermann is so willing to learn and readjust his perceptions and treat Newt how he _needs_ to be treated instead of how society dictates. He still stumbles sometimes, still sometimes treats Newt like he’s weaker or less competent, but Newt knows it’s out of habit and, more importantly, Hermann is picking up on it and making changes and apologies. 

Newt also spends a lot of time falling in love with him.

It’s highly impractical. 

***

The first of Newt’s precious stash of suppressant pills is used three months before the end of the war (not that he knows it at the time) when his heat rears its ugly head straight after an attack. Samples are on his desk with pressing urgency - there's a new type of venom, sixteen are dead already, and he and Hermann are both exhausted but have no time to stop. So, without thinking about it, Newt takes the pill when his skin first starts feeling too tight and his blood is pumping too fast, and just gets on with his work.

Hermann must notice. But Hermann doesn't mention it - mostly because they’re too damn busy, but also, Newt hopes, because he’s finally got his head around Newt’s boundaries and privacy. It’s a good sign anyway.

He takes the second and last pill when Marshal Pentacost sends him to Hannibal Chau. It hurts to do, but if anything classes an an emergency, this is definitely it.

Hermann does say something this time, but it’s more out of worry that the Drift has caused Newt’s heat to arrive out of schedule - it’s happened before with unbonded Omegas Drifting. Newt points out that a) the few recorded cases have always been as a result of them Drifting with compatible Alphas and the hormones matching up to try and initiate a bond, and b) Newt’s right on schedule for his heat. Then he really has to run, and after that he kind of gets caught up in running for his life several times over. 

***

And then they Drift. 

They save the world. 

Hermann hugs him and Newt doesn't panic that an Alpha is touching him. 

And then they go back to the lab, sit across from one another, and talk it out. 

"Asexual," Hermann says slowly. 

Newt tries not to flinch. "Yeah."

"That explains many things."

"Yeah," Newt says again, then shrugs. "Not many Alphas out there prepared to deal with an asexual Omega. Most of them think we don’t even exist.”

“I admit that I wasn’t aware of it,” Hermann says. “My research -“ He cuts himself off and Newt just smiles. He knows perfectly well that Hermann’s been researching possibilities, and Newt isn’t going to scold him for it. He’d do exactly the same if the roles were reversed. “It did bring up asexuality,” Hermann continues. “But the study had supposedly been devalued. No further information was ever given, no asexual Omegas ever came forward from the study.”

“We all said no,” Newt says. “At least I presume the others did - I never met any of them. But they asked me if I wanted to, and I declined. Vehemently. I wasn’t gonna sit there and let people tear me to shreds when I was already unsure enough about who I was. Being told that your identity doesn’t exist isn’t easy to handle, and then they’d want to run tests and get in Alphas and make me go through heat with them and… no. No way. It’s been hell going it alone, but better that than… _that_.”

“You never met anybody else from the study?”

Newt shakes his head. “We all guarded our details and our privacy. And a lot of us lost trust in the study after that, after they went public and how they handled it. I could have told them to send my details on to other asexual Omegas so we could connect, but how could I trust that they wouldn’t give those details to someone who might hurt me instead?” Hermann looks skeptical about that, and Newt sighs. “Okay, I know, it sounds hypersensitive. But I’ve been burned too many times by people who don’t understand or just tell me to ‘follow the heat instincts’ or say that clearly something’s wrong with me, that I’m broken, that I just need the ‘right Alpha’ like it’s some fucking fairytale. Most of that came from fellow Omegas - Alphas just offered to ‘treat me right’ and then attempted to dig the details of when my next heat was gonna be out of me. I wasn’t prepared to be some Alpha’s experiment, and I didn’t have many friends anyway, so I kind of wanted to keep the ones I had. I already stuck out for enough of the wrong reasons, I didn’t need more.”

Hermann sighs. “On behalf of the Alphas who have treated you badly, I apologize. You are not an experiment, nor are you something that should be ‘dealt with’, as you said earlier.”

Another shrug. "My heat is. I'm not... I don't do what I should. Don't react right. Well, I do physically, but not emotionally."

"You are able -“ Hermann stops. “Is this okay?” he asks instead. “You guarded this so fiercely. Just because I found out - and found out in a way you had no control over to boot - doesn’t mean I’ve earned the right to ask.”

Newt shrugs. “I don’t mind,” he says - and he really doesn’t. “It’s kinda… relieving? Because you’re actually accepting it as a possibility - as _truth_ , even. And I know that's because you've seen it, you kind of have to believe it, but you do believe me. You… you do believe me, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“Yeah. So, it’s cool. It’s good. And it’s better than talking about everything else that happened today.”

He knows Hermann understands. At some point, they need to stop and grieve, and neither one is ready for that quite yet. This is much easier to discuss and, for Newt, is feeling almost cathartic. He isn’t just answering the questions because they’re being put to him - he’s answering them because he wants to. He’s kept his silence for years, and now he’s got someone who believes what he’s saying. Of course Newt wants to talk. 

“Okay,” Hermann says. “Back to my question - you are able to engage in sex during your heat?"

"Yeah. My body wants it, just like any Omega. But I'm apt to be crying while it's happening, possibly hyperventilating. Always wishing to be anywhere but there. And then I cry myself to sleep for two weeks after my heat." He shrugs once more. "Sometimes I have to - heat's too strong, I need to have sex, have to deal with the aftereffects. But in the end, I had to start protecting my heart. Heat happens every couple of months; my heart is always here. I can't damage myself for the sake of cutting my heat from three days to two. If it’s urgent, if I absolutely can’t stand the torment of the heat, then I’ll get someone in to get me through it. But that’s the exception, not the rule.”

He's said more than planned - but that always happens with Hermann. Hermann, for his part, quietly listens and nods. "And when you're going through your heat without sex, is it necessary that you don't have an Alpha present?"

Newt sighs and lays it all bare. "Wish I could have one," he admits. "Wish there was an Alpha who would endure being surrounded by heat pheromones and not act on them, just give me comfort instead. Or one who would give me sex when it was absolutely necessary and understand when I cried the whole way through it. But that's both impossible and incredibly selfish."

"It's neither," Hermann says softly. "You endure so much during your heat, you deserve someone to take care of you in whichever manner you need. As for impossible... no. Difficult, I'm sure, for both. Pheromones are intoxicating, and the heat is so difficult for Alphas to not respond to. Perhaps... I can see an Alpha needing to take a few breaks. Stepping out at times. Needing to keep some distance when it’s at the worst. But the instinct to protect is strong - any good Alpha will know that keeping you safe is the priority, and if that means not engaging with you sexually, then so be it."

Hermann stops talking with what looks like great effort. Newt looks down, traces patterns into the table with his finger. Smiles shyly. "You're talking about yourself," he says. 

"Yes."

"You want to be my Alpha."

"I do. I know you've rejected me once, and if that still stands, I won't push it. But I suspect now that the rejection wasn't a rejection of me personally, but the pressures of an Alpha altogether.”

Newt nods. “They always think they know best,” he says. “That they know what I need better than I do - that my heat destroys my mind and changes who I am as a person. I’m an Omega first to them, and Newt second. I can’t be with someone who sees me that way.”

“I don’t,” Hermann says softly, and Newt knows it’s true. “I'm offering something different - to be your Alpha, but on your terms. Giving you what _you_ need, not what the stereotypical Omega supposedly does.”

"Even though it's... there's no sex. Not during heat, not outside it. Or if there is, it's actively distressing."

"Newton." Newt looks up and Hermann fixes him with a look, intense but soft. "Sex is not the most important thing in the world. Yes, the Alpha instinct is to take care of an Omega in heat through sex, but instincts aren't everything. To care for you through a heat, to know that you've come out of it feeling better than you would alone, to be able to care for you, protect you, keep you safe... those are my desires."

"And... outside of heat? I mean, I'm not presuming -" Newt sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. "Shit. Sorry. I'm not talking about bonding or anything, I swear, and if you want to keep it as just being my Alpha during heat then that's fine -"

"I don't." Newt blinks, and Hermann smiles. "Bonding is perhaps a step too far at this point, but this is far from just about aiding your heat. You saw my mind - do you honestly not know what you mean to me?”

Newt does. He just doesn’t quite believe it yet. “I saw a lot of things about… us. And I felt things, as I’m sure you did too. If I wasn’t technically meant to be in heat right now, I’d probably be going into it. We’re compatible as fuck, Hermann.”

“I know. But my feelings aren’t based on that. I hope you know that.”

“Yeah. I do. And… and yes. If you’re offering to - to be my Alpha.” He wants to say _partner, boyfriend_ , anything else - but Hermann’s offer is as an Alpha. That’s what Newt’s going to accept. “Answer’s yes, but with the understanding that it’s going to be unconventional and difficult.”

“Isn’t everything about us that way?”

Newt grins. “Yeah, fair point. Let’s just be glad we have three months until my next heat so we have time to muddle through everything else first.”

“Indeed. We can actually start a relationship, instead of being drawn to one through the heat like so many are.”

_Relationship._ Newt tries not to grin too hard. “Yeah,” he says. 

“And when it does come to your heat,” Hermann continues, “know that I’ll be there to help however you need me. If that means not being there, being present but staying far away -“

"Oh," Newt says in realisation. “Hang on. That doesn't matter."

"Why?"

"War's over. Pills are gonna be back in circulation. I don't have to go through heat again." 

Hermann looks hesitant. "So you won't be needing m- an Alpha?"

Newt smiles. Hermann’s uncertainty has filled him with a sudden confidence. "You saw my mind," he mimics gently. "Do you honestly not know what you mean to me? I want you, Hermann. Not as an Alpha who guides me through heat, but just... just mine. My partner, my Alpha, whatever. All of it. You."

Hermann leans over the table and kisses him. It’s soft and a little hesitant, and is unfortunately broken short too soon. “I have to say something first,” Hermann says when Newt whines a little and tries to pull him back in. “I should have said it before I kissed you, in fact.”

“Yeah?”

“I know this doesn’t…” Hermann makes an uncertain gesture. “Make everything okay? No, that’s not the right word - you _are_ okay. And that’s my point. I - I saw a lot of memories, and I’m still trying to work through them, but I’ve seen the world through your eyes. I can see how problematic it is, how hard it makes things for you, and I know I’ve been a contributor to that.”

“You’ve improved a lot.”

“I’m glad. But I still have a lot to learn, and I plan on doing so. Your memories will help with that - is there anything I should avoid, by the way?”

That’s a conversation they were supposed to have much earlier. While it is downright impossible to control the transfer of memories during a Drift, it’s etiquette to check with the other after the first Drift to see whether there are any memories they would rather them not actively seek out. Of course, mentioning the memory usually flashes it right to the forefront of their mind, but, if the other is polite, it’s usually only a glimmer before it gets pushed away. And while they can’t control some things coming up at random, they at least know not to bring it up.

Newt nods. “Guy named Steve,” he says.

Hermann goes still for a few seconds, then blinks and nods. “Understood. For my part, I would prefer you avoid most of my adolescent memories.”

There’s the barest glimpse of a much younger Lars Gottlieb, eyes glittering with disdain, and Newt flicks it away, focuses on Hermann. “I’ll keep out of them,” he promises. “You were talking about how problematic you are?”

Hermann smiles a little. “I know you don’t have much trouble ignoring your base Omega instincts,” he says, “so this shouldn’t be too much to ask. Continue to call me out if I say or do things wrong.”

“Easily.”

“Thank you. I’ll keep working on it on my end to make things better. Being your Alpha doesn’t mean I expect a free pass, or that you can’t tell me when I go wrong. In fact, it’s more important now… now that we’re together.”

Newt nods. “I - I owe you an apology too. A few, really.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. First one is for giving you all of this half information and burning you up with curiosity. I so wouldn’t have coped with that if the roles were reversed.”

Hermann smiles. “It was unintentional. I pushed hard sometimes, and you gave me just enough that I would be satisfied but never enough to compromise yourself. I understand now why you weren’t prepared to speak freely - I am an Alpha, after all. You’ve had nothing but bad experiences with us.”

Newt winces. “That’s the other thing. I told you months ago that you’re an Alpha but also that you’re more than that, you’re yourself too. But I still stereotyped you as _an Alpha_. I presumed that since you were an Alpha you wouldn’t be able to understand me, that you’d judge or try to fix me or… or all the other things. I never thought of you as Hermann, what Hermann might want to do. And you are Hermann. After all my yelling about not stereotyping Omegas, I did the same to you. I made so much of this about me and how I’m different and I - well, I painted me as the good guy and you as one of the bad ones. I painted nearly everybody as the bad guys, and that’s not even close to fair. I sat there and complained that nobody would ever understand me, and I didn’t try to understand them either. You. I didn’t try to understand you and where you were coming from, apart from saying that society is fucked up and clearly you had been influenced by it and… and I never actually owned my share of the blame. That maybe if I had opened up to you, you would have taken it as well as you have now and not treated me badly. I didn’t even give you the chance. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hermann says gently. “You have limited information to go off. As I said, your experiences with Alphas have never been good, and they've impacted your ability to trust, or even to open yourself up to the possibility of… of romance. I want to show you a romantic relationship, one where heat and sex and the power dynamic is taken right out of the picture. One where I care for you and you care for me and we just go from there. How does that sound?”

Newt swallows the lump in his throat. “Amazing.”

“Good. And, Newton?”

“Yeah?”

Hermann holds his gaze. “There’s one thing I need to make clear: I’m not going to try to fix you. You aren’t broken.”

Newt draws him back in for another kiss. He has to, after that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If some of this was a bit rapid, I apologize. I needed to get from A to B in this chapter, and I needed to just get it posted instead of staring at it any longer. Next chapter is 95% relationship development (and 5% Tendo) so there should be a lot more fleshing out of where they're going from here and how the Alpha/Omega dynamic is going to play into it and all of those things.


	5. so I lay my head back down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Hermann is an Alpha, and a sexual one, and at some point this all just has to break down. It has to. Newt knows nothing else. Even extreme compatibility can’t save the train wreck that is due to come at any moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay on this chapter - if you follow me on Tumblr or other fics, you’ll know my mental health is taking me on a real ride lately, and I had another couple of bad weeks that I’ve only just gotten out of the other side of. If this chapter isn’t up to par, that’s why, but I really wanted to get this out.

Tendo shows up three days later, and the look on his face tells Newt exactly how bad it’s going to be.

" _Six months_?"

"I'm really sorry," Tendo says, and he honestly looks distraught. "But they're not even in production until next month, and then priority orders come first. You know how some Omegas are struggling with their heats after Kaiju exposure - we can't have any more deaths."

Newt knows that. Honestly, he does. He just... 

"Do you still have your emergency stash?" Tendo asks. 

Newt shakes his head. "Took the last one just before I went to the slums. Meant to be in heat now." Which means he's going to have to experience at least one more heat before he gets his pills again. "Six months," he says, his voice almost a whisper. 

And then Hermann's hand is pressed against his back, solid and reassuring, and Newt leans into him. He immediately feels calmer. "We'll handle it," Hermann says. "I mean what I said - if you want me, I will get you through it."

Tendo's staring, eyes wide. "Newt?" he asks. "Hermann's gonna be your Alpha?"

"He already is," Newt says, smiling a little. "He... um, he saw it. In the Drift. And he's willing to try and get me through it without sex. Or if it has to happen..."

He glances at Hermann, who's smiling too. "I won't be offended if he cries," he completes. "Or if I have to leave. It's Newton's heat - if I can help, I will. If not... well, he's been so strong without an Alpha all these years. I don't believe that an Omega needs an Alpha to survive their heat, but we can help. I might be able to help. And however I can, I will - but only on his terms."

Newt turns, presses closer to Hermann, who draws him into his arms. Newt knows all this, of course, but to hear it out loud, to hear the protectiveness in Hermann's tone, is overwhelming. "Thank you," he whispers, and Hermann kisses the top of his head. 

"Kinda feel like hugging you too," Tendo says quietly. "Thank you for treating him right, Hermann. He deserves it."

"He certainly does," Hermann agrees.

Newt lets go (reluctantly) and turns back to Tendo. “I’ve gotta ask - is Aleksis getting the pills before me?”

Tendo shakes his head. “I think they offered them to him, but he said no. He knows there are others who need them more than him… and to be honest, I think he’s a little grateful for his heats right now.”

Newt’s sure he is too. The fact that Aleksis was in the middle of heat during the double and triple events, a time when nearly every other pilot died, is something he and Sasha will probably be relieved about for some time. “Not that he doesn’t own his share of guilt,” Hermann says. “He’s spent a lot of time wondering whether Cherno being in the fights might have helped save some more lives.”

“Survivors guilt,” Tendo says with a nod. “Herc’s on that one too - if he hadn’t broken his arm, maybe either Chuck or Stacker would still be alive. I pointed them in each other’s direction in the hope that talking it out together might make it easier.” He checks his watch, then sighs. “Speaking of deaths, I have more funeral arrangements to sort out and families to contact. See you later.”

He leaves, and Newt looks at Hermann who’s watching him. “Looks like you get to Alpha me after all,” Newt says, trying hard for casual and failing. 

“We’ll talk about it closer to the time,” Hermann says. “Just remember that I’ll be there for you, be that physically, or metaphorically only.”

“Thanks. Can I have another hug?”

Hermann gives it to him. When he pulls away, Newt feeling way calmer (because Hermann’s hugs are amazing, he’s so down for getting loads of those), Hermann looks at him with an unusually and endearingly earnest expression. “Can I take you on a date?” he asks.

“A date?”

“The social convention in which people who are either interested in or already engaged in a romantic relationship spend time in one another’s company, doing something considered to be romantic.”

Newt rolls his eyes. “Thank you for that. You want to take me on a date?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

So Hermann takes him on a date, and if Newt doesn’t let on that it’s his first real proper date ever, it’s only so Hermann doesn’t freak out and try to make it something extra-special. As it turns out, it’s simple and quiet, in a small local restaurant with clientele used to the Shatterdome enough that they don’t stare at the war heroes. They eat and talk and Hermann smiles more times in one evening than Newt’s seen him smile in all the years they’ve shared a lab, and shit, it’s _nice_.

Simple, easy, nice things are not what Newt is used to having. Especially not in the proximity of an Alpha. But he’s working on that - both letting himself enjoy the nice things without feeling like he doesn’t deserve them, and on getting rid of his Alpha preconceptions. Newt knows his issue isn’t with Alphas themselves, but society’s teachings. A lot of Alphas are bad, but Newt’s with one who isn’t, and he’s going to stop comparing Hermann to the stereotypes. Or, at least he’s going to try. 

The date is over way too fast. “Can we make this a regular thing?” Newt asks shyly as they walk down the hall to his room. 

Hermann squeezes his hand. “Of course we can. I plan on spending the next three months giving you all the romance you desire.”

They stop at Newt’s door, and Newt leans against it, looking at Hermann closely. “And at the end of those three months?” he asks.

“You go into heat, we get you through that however you deem necessary, you take the time you need to recover… and then I continue to give you romance.” Hermann takes his other hand, holding them both together. “I’m in this with you for the long haul, Newton, or at least for as long as you’ll have me. Whatever happens during your heat, however you need to handle it, whatever struggles or barriers it may throw up between us, I’ll be waiting for you on the other side.”

Newt kisses him, squeezing Hermann’s hands tight. “It’s hard to imagine,” he says. “I keep thinking you’ll eventually realize that the whole asexual thing isn’t worth your time or energy, that all the drama over heats is too much… but I’m starting to believe you.”

“I know it will take time, and I’m no expert at this either. Shall we muddle through together?”

Newt grins. “We shall,” he says, then kisses him again. 

***

“I know this is technically too soon,” Hermann says during their second date as they wait for dessert, “but I’ve seen your mind and you’ve seen mine. We both know how long we’ve felt this way, and I see no point in keeping back words that you know I feel. I love you, Newton.”

Newt’s smile threatens to split his face. “Hearing that out loud is just… god. I love you too, Hermann.”

Hermann’s smile matches his, and for a long moment they just look at one another, being nothing short of absolutely _sappy._

Then dessert arrives, and Newt remembers something stupid one of the environmental experts emailed him about yesterday, and conversation resumes and everything goes back to normal.

Well, until Hermann draws Newt into his arms, just outside the restaurant, and kisses him thoroughly. That’s new, and Newt certainly isn’t complaining. Hermann backs off well before the point that Newt would begin feeling uncomfortable, but Newt still walks home in a haze. 

He seriously loves being in love. 

***

After their fourth date, Hermann pauses at Newt’s door, where he usually says goodnight with a soft chaste kiss because Hermann’s a fucking _gentleman_ , and nods instead down the hall to his own. “Would you like to come in for coffee?”

Newt tenses up hard and just stares. 

A moment later, Hermann shakes his head. “Would you believe I’m so unused to dates that I forgot what that line insinuates? I meant coffee, Newton.”

“Oh,” Newt says, and lets his muscles unwind. “Yeah. Sure. Coffee's good.”

The coffee is good. The simple, quiet conversation is even better. The way Hermann’s arm feels around his shoulders as they sit together on the couch is perfect. 

***

They have a fight the morning of their fifth date, which leads to Newt storming out, which leads to Hermann cancelling their plans. Newt feels like he’s been kicked in the guts when Hermann informs him of that in clipped tones when Newt eventually returns to the lab that afternoon, and it only takes half an hour of not much work before Newt needs to leave, hiding the beginnings of tears as he flees the lab. 

He doesn’t emerge for dinner. Newt doesn’t want to see Hermann, doesn’t want to hear that tone that promises to take away all the love that Newt’s begun getting so used to. He doesn’t want to lose Hermann, _his_ Hermann, to the grumpy mathematician of years past who wanted nothing more than for Newt to leave him alone. More than that, Newt doesn’t want to go back to the Newt he once was - too scared of Alphas to let one close, too scared of _everybody_ , too afraid of letting himself feel because it only ever ended up hurting. 

So Newt hides and mopes and wonders how long it’s going to take Hermann to break up with him. 

When the knock at his door comes, Newt’s ready for it. He opens the door, words half formed on his lips about how _hey, this was fun, been nice knowing you_ \- and then stops, frowning. “Hi,” Hermann says, adjusting his one-handed grip on the tray containing two plates. “I’d much prefer to get all the apologies and such out of the way first, but I may drop this if I don’t set it down soon.”

Newt takes it from him and steps back so Hermann can enter. “I thought you cancelled our date?” he says.

“I did. I knew you’d need some time to cool off, and I didn’t want either of us to feel pressured to go out in public when we weren’t quite back on an even keel yet. But now I’d quite like to eat dinner with my partner and remind him that arguments happen but my love for him doesn’t waver.”

Newt dumps the tray on the table, then wraps his arms around Hermann’s neck and holds on tight. “I was stupid,” he murmurs. “I thought being together meant we wouldn’t ever argue again.”

“We’re too opposite to ever stop bickering completely,” Hermann says, gently stroking his back. “We’ll always have something to disagree over, and sometimes we will fire up and lose our tempers more than we should. But as long as we always come back to one another with apologies, it’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, I owe you some of those.”

“As do I. Since we both know what we did wrong and what the other is apologizing for, shall we leave it unsaid and eat our dinner?”

“You have the best plans, Hermann.”

Dinner, like most of their other dinners together, is simple. A lot of things about being with Hermann are far more simple than Newt had ever anticipated. 

***

“I have a question for you.”

Newt peers at Hermann over his coffee cup, at the end of date number seven and month number two. “Shoot.”

“Before I do, remember all of my promises to you. This is a nonsexual relationship, and the only person who will ever change that is you, and only under exceptional circumstances.”

“Okay?”

Hermann puts down his mug and takes Newt’s free hand. “Would you like to spend the night?” he asks.

Newt nearly snatches his hand back, then stops himself. Hermann’s reiterated his promises, and Hermann doesn’t back down on promises, not ever. His eyes are wide and sincere and offering so much, and none of it is sex.

Slowly, Newt begins to smile. “You mean for cuddling?”

“If you wish.”

“I really fucking wish, Hermann.”

Hermann smiles too. “Good. Do you want to go to your room and get whatever you’ll need for tonight and tomorrow?”

“Good plan.”

Newt goes and packs up an overnight bag, feeling faintly ridiculous as he does - he’s only going down the hall, after all. But it’s symbolic as hell, carrying back a bag with pyjamas and hair gel and a _toothbrush_. Why is a toothbrush so meaningful? Newt doesn’t even know. 

They don’t go straight to bed when Newt gets back. Hermann puts on the TV and they laugh at old episodes of bad sitcoms for awhile, Hermann’s arm around him the whole time. It’s nice and all, but there’s a tension to things now that there wasn’t before. Newt wants this to feel as simple as everything else has, but he’s too caught up in fear and past experiences and stupid Alpha stereotypes and he just can’t relax. 

Hermann doesn’t push it. He just directs Newt to the bathroom when they’re both starting to yawn, telling him to get changed and ready for bed and to meet Hermann in the bedroom. Newt’s hands shake as he changes into his pyjamas - should he have brought a shirt? He never sleeps in a shirt, but he never sleeps in somebody else’s bed either and he really doesn’t know protocol here. He’s not wearing a _dress_ shirt to bed, though, so Newt just hopes he’s not going to spark off some wild, hidden desires in Hermann by not wearing a shirt.

Newt is painfully aware that he needs to give himself a bit less credit, as well as giving Hermann a bit more. Not only has Hermann been a perfect gentleman this whole time, Newt’s pretty much saying that a glimpse of his skin is enough to drive anybody wild. He’s not that narcissistic. 

He’s just worried. 

But hiding out in the bathroom isn’t going to help that, so Newt steps out, puts his bag on the chair, then looks up and tries so damn hard not to just _laugh_. “You have a pyjama set?” he asks. “How old _are_ you?”

Hermann rolls his eyes. “Yours are Kaiju themed,” he says with a wave at Newt’s pyjama bottoms. “You want to play the age card?”

“Yeah, you might have me there.” 

Hermann smiles and steps past him to go into the bathroom. “Take whichever side you like,” he says, nodding to the bed. “I don’t have a preference.”

He closes the door, leaving Newt staring at the bed. At Hermann’s bed. Which he’s about to sleep in. 

God, why is this so _hard_?

Newt knows why. It’s because his own body is his worst enemy; because the world wants sex and he can’t deliver it; because a few bad experiences have soured his whole perspective of humanity; because too much about being asexual makes him feel like he doesn’t deserve the simple pleasures and comforts he’s gotten so far, since he can’t offer what he ‘should’ be able to offer in return. 

But it’s more than that. It’s something that Newt has refused to think about for the last two months, but now it rushes to the surface in a tidal wave. 

Because Hermann has been so obviously kind and sweet to him and it’s been so, so good… but Newt’s almost felt like he’s dating a Beta. There’s been no Alpha politics, no orders, no hierarchy - just them. Just the ease of two people finding one another and learning how to be together. It’s been simple - but too simple. Too simple because Newt hasn’t let himself think about the fact that Hermann isn't just his boyfriend. Hermann is also his Alpha. And Newt hasn’t let himself reconcile the two until now. 

And now he’s terrified. Because Hermann is an Alpha, and a sexual one, and at some point this all just has to break down. It _has_ to. Newt knows nothing else. Even extreme compatibility can’t save the train wreck that is due to come at any moment. 

“Newton?” 

Newt starts. He doesn’t turn around. “Yeah?”

“The bed isn’t going to hurt you.”

“I know.”

Hermann takes a few steps closer. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I… I know.”

“You do know that,” Hermann says, stepping around so he can look Newt in the eyes. “But fear is holding you back. What can I do to help?”

Newt closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. He takes in the scent of Hermann, the Alpha pheromones always lingering just below the surface - the ones currently threatening to radiate with concern and care. “Order me,” he says.

“What?”

Newt opens his eyes. “You’re my Alpha,” he says. “I’ve spent two months pretending you’re not, pretending that this romantic thing exists outside of our statuses. But it doesn’t - it can’t, because _we_ don’t exist out of our statuses. And until I stop being scared of the Alpha side of you, I can’t trust all of you. So… so guide me through this, just like you’d guide me through heat.”

“You know we’re not having sex?”

“Yeah. And I know it’s stupid, asking you to guide me through _cuddling_. But -“

“But it’s what you need. So it’s what I’ll give.” Hermann crosses to the bed, switches on the lamp, and turns the covers back. “Switch off the main lights,” he says, “then come here.”

Newt does. He’s trembling just a little - Hermann’s pitching his voice differently, letting the natural power of his Alpha status slip into the words. This isn’t the kind of power that society gives, or the kind that cocky Alphas strut around exuding. It’s the kind that comes right from Hermann’s DNA, and Newt’s Omega instincts _sing_. 

He returns to the bed, standing at the foot of it. Hermann, already sitting in bed, smiles and nods to the other side. “Join me,” he says. “Make yourself comfortable, and tell me what you’re feeling.”

“Right,” Newt says before he can think, then blushes hard and spends a good few moments fiddling with the blankets as he settles himself in next to Hermann. “Um. I guess it’s the compatibility and shit, but you’re definitely my Alpha.”

“So on the Omega level, it’s good. How about the rest of you?”

“Frightened,” Newt admits. 

Hermann nods. “And who are you going to listen to?”

Newt considers that for a long moment. “Well,” he says, “they’re both me. And they both have one big thing in common - they trust you. So I guess I’ll listen to that over everything else.”

“Thank you,” Hermann says softly, and his voice is back to what Newt’s used to - but he’s still Newt’s Alpha. The gap between the two has finally bridged itself in Newt’s mind, and there’s no going back. “Will you let me hold you?”

“Yes. Please.”

Hermann turns off the light and lies down. Newt takes off his glasses, fumbles for the bedside table, and drops them there. Then he lies down next to Hermann, keeping a bit of space between them. “Um. How?”

“Come here.”

So Newt does, and he finds himself easily settled into Hermann’s arms, head tucked under Hermann’s chin. Hermann’s got his arms around him and he’s holding him so gently and everything’s simple and easy.

And Newt just _breaks_.

It isn’t even the fact that he’s here, safe, in an Alpha’s arms. That’s overwhelming in itself, and pretty damn important to his healing and dealing with stereotypes and all of that good shit, but he’s not crying for that. 

Newt’s crying because he’s never had this at _all_. He’s had hugs and some pretty good cuddling sessions with Tendo, but Newt has never experienced the unassuming touch of a romantic partner without fear. He’s never laid in a bed with someone he loves, with the lights off and the night quiet around them, and known that this is all that’s expected of him. 

He’s never felt so wanted for exactly who he is.

Hermann holds him through the tears. He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, doesn’t offer meaningless platitudes or comforts, just keeps Newt still and safe. 

When Newt cries himself out, Hermann tilts his head up, presses a kiss to his forehead, and softly instructs him to go to sleep. And Newt does. 

***

Newt wakes in the morning, and Hermann is lying next to him, his face soft in sleep.

And Newt finally believes that this is going to work. 

He ghosts his fingers through Hermann’s hair, then curls around him, rests his head on Hermann’s chest, and closes his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t resist the opportunity to save the Kaidonovskys. Literally they play no point in this fic, there’s no reason for me to save them to continue the plot, I just adore them and wanted them safe. I know if they hadn’t been killed in their fight it probably would’ve been Herc and Chuck instead and then Stacker wouldn’t have been able to go with Chuck and all of that, but fuck it. Look at my pen name and understand why I saved them. 
> 
> Next chapter, we’re going into heat.


	6. and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks at Hermann - calm, patient Hermann, who he’s sure wants to come with him, but who he’s also sure wouldn’t come if Newt told him not to. Hermann, who Newt always feels grounded and clear-headed around. “I want you,” he says. “I don’t - I might change my mind. I don’t know. But right now I’d really like it if you could be there with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess we can call this part one of Newt’s heat. Implied sexual content, but no sex and nothing graphic - lots of scene breaks instead. This chapter was hard to write for obvious sex-repulsed asexual reasons, so if parts of it are stilted, that’s why.

He feels the first pinpricks of heat begin rolling down his spine on a Tuesday morning. Setting his mental clock for four hours, Newt sets to work. He wants to get as much of this paperwork out of the way as possible, while his mind is still clear - before either the heat or the panic take over. 

Hermann’s out of the lab, in a video conference. He returns two hours into Newt’s allotted time frame, stops three paces into the room, and turns to stare at him. Newt wearily lifts his head - and if he’s already tired, his heat is going to zap his energy completely - and gives him a look. “Not now,” he says. “You are going to give me two hours of silence while I get everything I need to done. I have phone calls to make, meetings to cancel, and time-crucial paperwork to complete. When I’ve done all that, we can talk about what we’re going to do.”

Hermann nods and heads to his desk. Newt buries himself in his work again. 

By the time he reaches the four hour mark, he’s beginning to feel a little shaky. Newt puts down the phone for the last time, sends off a quick email to the Russian Kaiju expert he was supposed to Skype tomorrow, sends an even quicker text to Tendo to let him know about his and Hermann’s upcoming absence, then carefully puts everything away and shuts down his computer.

Then he looks up.

Hermann meets his eye. “What do you want to do?” he asks.

Newt laughs. It’s a little hysterical. “What I want is to not go through heat. What I need is to get to my room within the next hour. What _you_ need is to decide whether you’re prepared to join me.”

“Do you want me there?”

“You’re the Alpha,” Newt snaps. “Make some damn decisions.”

Hermann just looks at him. “No,” he says. “I’m not the Alpha. I’m Hermann.”

That temporarily cools Newt’s heat - he feels like he’s been slapped. “Shit, Hermann, I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I know you are, and I know you’re _not_ \- god. I’m just a mess. I don’t know what to do." 

“It’s okay. Take a deep breath, then ask yourself what you really think you want and need.”

Newt does. He looks at Hermann - calm, patient Hermann, who he’s sure wants to come with him, but who he’s also sure _wouldn’t_ come if Newt told him not to. Hermann, who Newt always feels grounded and clear-headed around. “I want you,” he says. “I don’t - I might change my mind. I don’t know. But right now I’d really like it if you could be there with me.” 

“Then I will be. Do you need anything else before we go?”

Newt checks his machines one more time to make sure they’re all off, then shakes his head. “I’m ready.” _As I’ll ever be_ , he adds to himself.

The walk is silent. The heat is rising, and Newt knows he’s now exuding pheromones to all Alphas, not just Hermann who’s in tune with his normal scent. A passing technician glances sharply at Newt, then catches sight of Hermann, baulks, and hurries away. 

Newt has to smile. “Bodyguard material, you are.” 

Hermann smirks a little. “Very threatening,” he agrees, and they both laugh.

It’s brief. The tension is rising, and it takes Newt three tries to unlock his bedroom door. He steps in, Hermann follows, and Newt locks the door behind them, turns around and - 

And Hermann’s here. In his room. 

They stand, eye to eye, and Newt begins to tremble. He’s going into _heat_ and there's an Alpha in his room and this is going to be like Steve all over again, he’s going to give in to the heat instincts and Hermann’s going to follow _his_ instincts and -

“Newton,” Hermann says, soft but sharp. His voice cuts through the panic. “Deep breath.”

Newt takes one. The throbbing in his head eases a little.

“Good. Now - you’re in charge. Tell me what you want.”

Newt finds that incredibly hard to believe. Hermann’s an _Alpha_ , there’s no way he’s handing over his control, not in the middle of _heat_. Still…  

“Go to the other side of the room,” Newt says, then blinks in astonishment as Hermann immediately walks to the far wall. “Okay,” he says a little dumbly as Hermann looks at him, awaiting his next instruction. “Um. Sit down, if you want?”

“Thank you,” Hermann says, and settles himself in the corner armchair. “Might I suggest you sit down too?” he adds gently. “Only if you wish - but you seem a little unsteady.”

It’s a good suggestion. Newt takes it, sitting on the edge of the bed. He tugs uncomfortably at his shirt, then sighs and starts unbuttoning it. “This isn’t… anything,” he says as he does it. “This is just me overheating.” 

“Understandable. Do whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Mm. Problem is, things I normally do to make me comfortable are things that would make me seriously _un_ comfortable with someone else present.”

“Such as?” 

Newt tosses his shirt aside, sighing a little as the cool air hits his skin. It won’t be cool for long, so he’s gonna make the most of it. “No clothes,” he says. “Baths - baths are _great_. Cold, of course. And… um. When the heat peaks. I… I have - things. To help.”  

“You have some - items to help you alleviate the worst of the sexual tension?” Hermann asks. 

Newt finds it slightly endearing that Hermann has as much trouble frankly discussing sex toys as he does. “Yeah,” he says. “Not an option if you’re in the room. Though if you’re in the room when the heat peaks, it’ll be you that I want. But… but _not_ want.” He sighs and buries his face in his hands. “Why do I have to be so fucked up?” 

“You’re not,” Hermann says softly. “You’re in a very difficult situation, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with _you_. But as for one of your solutions, I may have an idea.”  

“Hm?”

“Do you have bubble bath?”

Newt slowly looks up. He’s smiling. “I like the way you think,” he says. 

Hermann smiles too and stands. Newt tenses, and Hermann stops. “Apologies. I should have said - _asked_ \- before I moved. I was going to go and run the bath for you. Would that be okay?” 

Newt feels a bit stupid now, but Hermann is looking at him with nothing less than sincere respect, and with no hints of exasperation. Newt nods. “Yeah. That’d be… nice. Thanks.”

Hermann stops at the doorway, then turns back. “The more obvious solution, come to think of it, would be that I just stay in here while you take a bath.”

Newt bites his lip. “Mm. But… maybe I want you there? Just to talk. You're sorta keeping me pretty level and calm. Is that alright?”

“Of course it is. If it helps - well, that’s what I’m here for. Whatever you need, I’ll do my best to give.”

Hermann disappears into the bathroom and Newt reaches blindly for a pillow, drawing it to his chest in the hope that it might stop him from racing after Hermann, wrapping himself bodily around him, and never letting go. His stupidly frequent desires to hug Hermann are irritating enough on their own - under the influence of the heat, they’re just a plain bad idea. 

There’ll be plenty of time for cuddling once the heat’s broken. 

Sooner than expected, Hermann reappears in the doorway. Newt drops the pillow, and Hermann smiles a little fondly at it before stepping back into the room, returning to his corner. “I’ll stay out here while you get yourself settled,” he says.  

Newt makes his way to the bathroom, pushes the door so it’s only slightly ajar, then has to fight back laughter when he sees the bath. “Did you use the whole bottle?” he calls to Hermann, and trails a finger along the top of the giant mound of bubbles.  

“I’ll buy you another one,” Hermann says. Newt takes that as a yes. 

He quickly undresses and navigates a way through the bubbles into the water underneath. It’s slightly too warm and Newt runs a bit more cold into it, before moving some more bubbles so he can lean back. “This feels somewhat obscene,” he says. “But more like the opulent kind. You can come in.”

After a few moments, Hermann opens the door, smirking at him. “I admit, that may have been slight overkill,” he says as he brings a chair in and puts it in the corner. The bathroom is small, the corner isn’t exactly far away, but Newt appreciates what it represents. “Still, better safe than sorry.”

“Mm.” Newt closes his eyes and does his best to relax. Far too soon, the heat will build enough that relaxing isn’t an option, and Newt wants to make the most of this. “When’s the last time you took someone through heat?” he asks. 

Hermann doesn’t respond for a moment. “You want to go there?” he asks. 

“Sure. I’m not gonna get jealous of the fact that you had ridiculous amounts of sex with some Omega who wasn’t yours. Maybe in a few hours, but definitely not now.” 

He cracks open an eyelid and smiles, and Hermann returns it. “Okay. It was well over a year ago anyway, and only because an emergency arose.”

“Oh?”

“One of the engineers. His Alpha had died in the Kaiju attack the day before, and I’d worked with him extensively some years ago. Apparently in his grief and heat emotions - and his first heat in many years - he chose me as a safe person. I couldn’t say no.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Newt murmurs. “Looks like you’re a safe haven for distressed Omegas.”

“Do you consider yourself distressed?”

Newt thinks on that for a bit. “Not really,” he says eventually. “In the height of a bad heat, yeah, but on the whole I do okay. And considering what the exposure of toxins have done to some Omega heats, I really can’t complain about my situation. At least I’ll come out of it alive - just seriously frustrated. As will you. Probably more so.”

“That’s okay. It’s how things are.”

As always, Hermann’s straightforward and simple approach to Newt’s asexuality is calming. Newt runs a bit more cold water into the bath, then closes his eyes again. “Tell me something interesting,” he says.

“I can share the detail of this morning’s meeting?”

“Was it interesting?”

“I certainly thought so.”

“So, definitely not then.” Newt smirks at the silence - he knows Hermann’s rolling his eyes. “Go ahead, though,” he says, making himself more comfortable. “Thrill me with facts and numbers.”

Hermann does. It’s actually pretty interesting.

Newt doesn’t let on. 

***

The first twenty-four hours are tolerable. 

In fact, they're something akin to pleasant. Putting aside the facts of Newt’s skin prickling and heat desires occasionally flaring, he’s had a better first day than anticipated. The biggest issue has been wanting Hermann closer, and knowing that both of their heat instincts slowly building makes that a bad idea. 

Hermann is definitely helping. He’s a voice of sanity and calm, and they’ve spent at least six of the twenty-four hours engaged in light debates on easy topics. They also have the same taste in bad TV, and they’re marathoning _The Simpsons_ as they roll into day two. They’ve even both managed to get almost a proper night’s sleep, Newt waking up several times but never for long enough to let the need build too far.   

It’s not as easy as it seems. Newt is definitely in heat, and he and Hermann are definitely both affected. But they keep to their sides of the room and keep their desires to themselves. Their combined sanity and willpower is getting them through it. 

Day two - midday Wednesday, based on Newt’s estimate of when his heat kicked in proper - brings the first proper waves of unavoidable heat need. Newt does his best to keep his focus, but by mid-afternoon he switches off the TV and sinks back into his pillows as a wave of desire rolls through him. “Goddamn,” he says quietly. “You feeling this too?" 

“Yes.”

“Sorry." 

“Hardly your fault.”

 Newt sits up again and reaches for a bottle of water, draining nearly the whole thing. It doesn’t quench the heat, but then it was never going to. Newt shivers, then sighs and closes his eyes. “It’s peaking,” he says.

“I know,” Hermann says, and his tone matches Newt’s - frustration and serious restraint. “Tell me what you need.”

Newt pushes past his immediate instinct to tell Hermann that _he’s_ what he needs. This is about ignoring his instincts, after all. “Um. I might… need you to leave. So I can - deal with things.” He’s painfully aware of how immature he’s being, and opens his eyes with effort, looking at Hermann. “Orgasms take the edge off a bit, though it’s not gonna get me right past this wave like it would if it were given by an Alpha. But if I can at least stop it from being _quite_ so bad…”

Hermann nods. “Is your bathroom far enough away? I don’t think I’ll get much further than that.”

Newt knows what he’s saying, and knows he’s bushing - though it’s probably not obvious since his skin is burning as it is. “Sure. That’s fine.” He watches as Hermann stands and walks to the door, then sighs. “I’m sorry.”

Hermann stops. “For what?”

“I know your hormones are as fucked up as mine right now, and that’s only because yours are reacting to mine. Sorry you’re going through it too.”

Hermann turns to look at him. “I know I’m not enduring anything near what you’re going through,” he says. “I will gladly go through this with you if it means you don’t have to do it alone when you don’t want to.”

Newt swallows the lump in his throat. “Thanks,” he murmurs.

Hermann smiles a little. “Let me know when you’re done,” he says, then steps into the bathroom and closes the door. 

It ends up being all of two minutes, but Newt waits five just to be safe. When he calls Hermann back in, he can immediately see how much calmer he looks - still tense, still feeling the effects, but not as close to the edge. Newt knows he probably looks the same. “Better?” Hermann asks.

“For now, yeah. You?”

“Definitely. Can I convince you to drink one of the nutritional shakes now?”

Newt wrinkles his nose up, because foodis the most unappealing thing during heats, but nods. “Not the strawberry one,” he says as Hermann picks through the fridge. “Had it last time - that shit is _gross_.”

“Mango?”

“As good as anything.”

Hermann brings it over, and despite their self restraint and their actions of five minutes ago, they both keep from touching as Hermann hands the container over. “You’re having one, right?” Newt asks as he takes a sip - it’s tolerable, he supposes.

Hermann takes a banana shake out of the fridge in response, drinks a mouthful, then pulls a face. “Disgusting,” he says, then reaches back into the fridge and pulls out a bottle of chocolate sauce. He pops the lid of the shake, squeezes at least half the bottle into it, then replaces the lid and shakes it, before trying again. “Much better,” he proclaims. 

Newt watches in nothing short of delight. “You did _not_ just do that,” he says.

“You haven’t learned about my sweet tooth yet?” Hermann asks, smirking a little. “I suppose it has only been a few months.”

“Still a lot to learn about you,” Newt says contemplatively.

Hermann’s smirk softens into a smile. “Plenty of time to do that,” he says. 

Newt shivers a little. He’s been ignoring the heat - and Hermann’s chocolate sauce antics have definitely helped - but every so often it reminds him that he’s not exactly _dealt_ with it. Well, fuck it, he’s not going to. “Looking forward to it,” he says. “Especially when we don’t have my fucking heat interrupting things every few months.” 

“To be fair to your heat, it is pushing us into the closest and longest proximity we’ve ever had.”

Newt pauses at that, then nods. “True. I’ve finally found a positive to this whole ordeal - but that’s not exactly making me embrace it with open arms. I’ve told my body time and time again that I don’t fucking _want_ kids, but it keeps on doing this to me anyway.”

Hermann chuckles, but it's brief. “Conception isn’t on the cards for you, then?”

“Not right now. Can’t speak for the future, but… unlikely.” Newt looks down at his hands, fiddling, then sneaks a peek at Hermann. “Um. Where are you on kids? I mean, we’ve only been together for a couple months, I know, but…”

“Still a good thing to speak about,” Hermann agrees. “Not right now for me, either. The possibility is intriguing, but not demanding. I’d like some stability before I even consider children, and even then I’m not sure if I’d say yes.” 

Newt nods, glad they’re on the same page, and then realises Hermann’s contemplating him. “What?” he asks.

“Well, there is another reason for the heat.”

“Yeah?”

“Bonding.”

Newt lifts his hand to his shoulder, rubbing at the bonding gland. It’s swollen, warmer than the rest of his body, and thinking about Hermann sinking his teeth into it is _not_ helping right now. “Yeah. There is that.”

Hermann’s look is now rather intense. “Where do you stand on bonding?”

“I really wish I could hate it,” Newt says honestly. “It’s nothing short of an Alpha marking their territory and claiming their Omega. It’s possessive and way too permanent and it’s just another layer of stereotyping and discrimination against the unbonded.” 

“But you don’t hate it.”

“No.” Newt sighs. “No, I want it. Not now, not even necessarily with you - fuck, that came out wrong, I didn’t -“

“I know,” Hermann says softly. “You just don’t wish to rush into it, to bond with me when we’ve been together for a matter of months. As it should be. Bonding is something that should be contemplated fully and, in my mind, initiated by the Omega - and introduced as an idea by the Omega, outside of a heat. If you are the one being marked, you deserve at the very least to be the one to decide that.”

Newt smiles. “See? This is why you’re such a good Alpha.” He fingers the gland for a bit longer, then tears his hand away. “Yeah. Bonding. I like the meaning of it. The promise. And… and the way it connects Alpha and Omega outside of heat. Because I rally hard against being judged solely on my Omega side, but it’s still a part of me, y’know? Still influences how I do things. You’re my partner, but you’re also my Alpha. And I like it when the two are the _same_ , not the whole thing where you’re my partner most of the time but my Alpha during my heat - and then if my heat is gone, you’re not my Alpha at all. You are an Alpha. You’re not Hermann, not _this_ Hermann, if you’re not an Alpha. Am I making sense? I don’t think I’m making sense.”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Hermann says. “But you are losing your focus a little - which is exactly why bonding needs to be discussed outside of heat. Is it becoming more intense again?”

“Uh-huh. Give it ten minutes and you’ll be back in the bathroom again. And then again in another half hour.”

“At least the decor is pleasant in there,” Hermann remarks, and sips at his shake.

***

“Forgot to ask,” Newt says later, contemplating the ceiling as he lies on his back, hands behind his head. “Bonding?”

“My position on it?” Hermann asks, from where he’s currently setting up a stretcher bed. “I believe, just like any other long term commitment, it changes depending on the person. Other Omegas I’ve had relationships with, I’ve not considered bonding with.”

“Me?”

“I wouldn’t rule out the possibility.”

Newt smiles, then yawns. They’ve just had another separate-to-have-orgasms session, and thank god this wave finally seems to be ebbing enough that they might just get some sleep. It’s been hours, and Newt is worn out in all possible ways. “I’ll remember that. If this were one of those cliche love movies, I’d be saying that we should bond now since I’ll be back on the pills after this heat and we won’t get another chance. But, yeah, fuck that.”

Hermann laughs. “Let’s try dating a bit longer first,” he says, and switches off the lights. 

“M’kay.” Newt listens to Hermann settle in bed, vaguely wishing it wasn’t a separate one. It takes a moment to realize that wish isn’t coming from his Omega hormones, but the same desire that’s fuelled most of his relationship with Hermann so far. It’s oddly comforting. “Thanks for being here. Can’t be much of a picnic." 

“The only picnics I’ve ever been on involved my father giving lectures on mosquitos and my brother tying my sister’s ponytail to a tree. This is much better.”

Newt chuckles sleepily. “Go to sleep, Herms.”

“I’m too tired to tell you off for that. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

***

When he wakes, Newt’s skin is clammy and hot and the need is building. He pushes his sweat-damp hair off his forehead, props himself up on his elbows, and glances over at the clock. It’s just gone one in the afternoon, but considering they didn’t get to bed until six, that’s pretty damn good. Usually Newt snatches his sleep in two or three hour blocks until the heat breaks.  

Maybe Hermann’s presence is helping.

Speaking of Hermann, Newt looks over to see him back in his armchair, watching him. “Good afternoon,” Hermann says, smiling a little, but it’s slightly forced. “Would you like me to head through to the bathroom now?”

Newt reaches for his water glass and finds it empty - and this is probably playing with fire, but fuck it, he’s _thirsty._ “Any chance you could get me some water first?” he asks. 

Hermann looks at him for a moment, as if weighing up how to go about this, then nods and stands. His movements are swift as he crosses the room, takes the glass, then gets back to his side to fill it. When he returns and places it on the bedside table, Newt reaches out and grabs his wrist - and he honestly doesn’t even realize he’s done it until Hermann freezes. “Newton,” he says, his voice half-warning, half-plea. “Let go.”

Newt drops his arm, fast, and picks up the glass instead. Hermann takes two steps back, then stops and watches him. Newt drinks the water in one go, puts the glass down, then nods towards the bathroom. “Go. Before I lose my sanity and tell you to get over here instead.” 

Hermann goes. Newt barely waits for the door to close before he’s touching himself, hands shaky and uncoordinated but like that _matters_. It takes less than a minute anyway. 

He still waits five minutes to call Hermann again, this time making sure his mind is as clear as it’s going to get. When Hermann returns, he keeps his distance, staying over at the far wall, and Newt feels positively shitty just seeing that. “Fuck, Hermann,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hermann says just as softly. “I know you’re in a battle right now, and I know that parts of both of us wanted that. But too much of you doesn’t, and I will never let you do anything unless I have your complete and explicit consent.” 

Because they’ve both talked about this in so much detail - there was no way Hermann was entering the room during a heat without it. They’ve talked about how the instinct-led part of Newt might try a stunt like that, but the sex repulsed part is still refusing to even contemplate it. They’ve also talked about how Newt might reach a point where the sex repulsed part _is_ actually agreeing with his instincts (not _wanting_ it, not craving it, but knowing that it’s the better option this time to get through the heat), and how Newt is going to make that very clear if it does happen. 

This isn’t one of those times. That was just pure instinct, and Newt is very glad that Hermann has so much self control - and so much respect for him and his right to consent. “Thanks,” he says. “I think this afternoon might be the last proper battle, and then it’s just the final few waves until it breaks, hopefully early tomorrow. You’ll be up for a few more bathroom trips?” 

He only realizes the accidental innuendo once he’s said it, and Hermann’s clearly trying not to smirk. “I think I’ll manage,” he says. “While we’re both a bit calmer, is there anything else I can get you?" 

Newt is probably quite capable of getting up and grabbing things for himself - but hey, there’s got to be some perks to having an overly attentive Alpha present, right? “Could use some more water,” he says. “And something with sugar… or caffeine. Gonna need some energy for this afternoon.” 

Hermann’s perusing the fridge. “Soda?”

Newt wrinkles his nose. “Too sweet. Coffee would be perfect, but it’s too damn hot.”

Hermann brings over a bottle of water and takes away the glass. “Will you be okay if I leave the room for five minutes?” he asks, reaching for his jacket. 

“Sure. What for?”

Hermann just smiles and leaves. 

Newt’s Omega instincts immediately kick up a fuss - why the hell is his Alpha _leaving_? Newt does his best to ignore the stupid distress that rises up in him at the thought of Hermann not coming back, and reminds himself that even if Hermann did bail right now, Newt’s gone through this alone many times before. Just because Hermann’s his Alpha and partner and everything he holds dear doesn’t mean Newt can’t survive a heat without him.   

Still, there’s a massive wave of relief when Hermann returns, just as promised. He’s holding two bottles of iced coffee, and Newt grins, two parts thrilled about the caffeine, one part stupid relief about Hermann being back. “You are amazing,” he says as Hermann puts the bottle on his nightstand. 

Hermann smiles, but he looks concerned. He takes a step back, just far enough that Newt can’t reach out for him. “Everything okay?” he asks.

Newt sighs. Clearly it’s all over his face. “Stupid instincts tried to tell me you weren’t coming back.”

Hermann’s expression softens. “I thought that might happen. How can I help?” 

Newt knows how. Hesitantly he holds out a hand, and after a long moment of scrutiny, Hermann takes it. Instant comfort floods his veins. It’s _stupid_ how just Hermann’s touch can soothe away all the anxiety and fear, but it does, and Newt sighs as he laces their fingers together and squeezes Hermann’s hand. 

He doesn’t keep the contact for long - that’s risky, and he’s not going there again - but the calm stays once Hermann’s let go and backed away to his safe corner. “Better?” Hermann asks.

“Loads. Thanks. Still can’t get over how calming your touch can be.”

“It’s new to me too,” Hermann says as he sits down. 

Newt frowns, confused. “You’ve had other Omegas, though.”

“This isn’t part of the average Alpha/Omega dynamic,” Hermann explains. “Sometimes things like this can manifest from bonding, but usually it only comes from extreme compatibility.”

It still feels weird, knowing how _meant to be_ he and Hermann are. “Oh. Well, I’m not complaining.”

“Nor am I. You calm me too - it feels right to be close to you.”

Newt nods. “Which makes this a whole lot harder as well.”

“It is what it is. We’re over halfway there.”

“Thank god. How are we going to kill the afternoon, bearing in mind I’ll be kicking you out of the room about eight times?” Hermann reaches into his bag and removes a book, and Newt pouts. “You’re gonna read?”

“To you. If you wish?”

Newt smiles, feeling stupidly happy. “Yeah. I’d like that. What’s the book?”

“ _The Man Who Was Thursday_.”

“Never heard of it.” Newt settles in comfortably and closes his eyes. “I reserve the right to go to sleep if it’s boring.”

“It’s a metaphysical thriller. I think you’ll like it.”

*** 

Despite having to kick Hermann out eight times as promised, Newt does like it. 

***

And just when Newt thinks it’s all over, the final wave hits.

He knows it’s the final wave. Something about it is different - while the last few times have been exhausting and draining, Newt’s suddenly filled with energy. And this time he can’t just get it over and done with in a few minutes.

“Hermann?” he asks. “Do you feel different?”

Hermann shakes his head, frowning. “I presume you mean the need? No, the same as all the other times. How come?”

Just Newt, then. “I’m going to need longer,” Newt says, looking down. “It’s… um. Last one, I’m pretty sure, and it’s never quite so straightforward. Need some help to get… finished.” He sighs and scrubs his hands over his face. “God. Sorry. I can’t say this shit.” 

Hermann stands. “I’ll take a walk,” he says. “Get some fresh air. Would you say half an hour will be enough?”

“Sure hope so. Thanks.” Hermann just smiles and quietly lets himself out. Newt watches him go, fights back the stupid desire to cry at his absence, then reaches under the bed and pulls out the black box. “I hate you,” he says to it, not caring how stupid he sounds, then opens it up and begins searching for what he needs. 

***

When Hermann knocks, just over half an hour later, Newt’s at least gathered enough energy back to go and open the door. Hermann enters, immediately putting distance between them, and Newt stumbles back to bed. “Is that the last time?” Hermann asks. 

“I think so.” Newt collapses face-down and lets himself lie there for a few minutes, then rolls onto his side and looks at Hermann. “I fucking hate being an Omega. Or asexual. Whichever one causes me the most irritation.”

“It’s your lot in life,” Hermann says quietly. “But I wish they caused you less pain.”

Newt shrugs. “They’re always gonna hurt in their own ways. But I’ve realized that the pain can be dulled. I’d pretty much accepted that life wasn’t gonna get any better - until this heat. It’s all just as stupidly sucky as always, but for once I’m not doing it alone, and that’s making it easier. Better. I know it’s not healthy to rely on other people for happiness, but I think it’s okay to be happy when you get the right supports in place to help you be, and you’re one of them. I just never thought I’d have this.”

“Never thought, or never let yourself hope?”

Newt’s lips twist into a wry smile. “I think we both know the answer. Stuck my head in the sand for many years. And maybe I missed out on a lot of opportunities to make things better for myself, but I’m kind of not regretting the path my life has taken since it’s led me to you.”

Hermann’s smile is much softer and more genuine. “That’s one of the reasons I don’t ever want you to feel like you need fixing, or that I’m here to make you somebody ‘better’. Who you are is who I love, and that includes being asexual and Omega. You would be somebody else entirely if you weren’t those things, and that’s not who I’m in love with.” 

They just look at each other for a moment, then Newt yawns. “Sorry,” he says as Hermann chuckles. “I know that was a moment and everything, but fuck I’m tired.”

“Will you be able to sleep?”

Newt nods. “If it’s not over, it’ll wake me up - otherwise I’m just gonna blissfully pass the fuck out for the night. Are you… all good? Um -“ 

Hermann smiles. “All good,” he confirms. “Not as exhausted as you, so I might stay awake a bit longer - see if I can catch up on my emails.”

“Want to check mine as well?”

“Will you allow me to set up filters to manage your junk email?”

“No way, dude. We have way different definitions of junk email.”

Hermann laughs, and Newt smiles tiredly. He really enjoys Hermann’s laughter, and when he says as such, Hermann just shakes his head fondly. “You really are tired if you’re admitting that,” he says. “Go ahead and sleep, darling.”

“Okay.” Newt closes his eyes, then opens them again. “Hermann?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for being here.”

“I’ll always be here, however you need me. Sleep.”

Newt closes his eyes again, and drifts off to blissful sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aspects to do with heat - bonding, conception, bonding glands - are taken from other fics. I can never find a real consensus on what happens during heat, probably because it's very fictional, and this isn't exactly a conventional heat anyway. If I've written anything that goes strongly against the A/B/O verse norms, feel free to let me know.


	7. take me into your loving arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt knows how to put two and two together. He’d spent so much time worrying about how he’d react to having Hermann around while he was in heat; he never thought about how Hermann might react to witnessing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two/aftermath of the heat. Bit of a short chapter - just really putting everything back to rights and getting our boys happy again.

He’s usually asleep when his heat breaks, and Newt knows it’s been over for a few hours when he wakes up shivering from the cold. According to the clock it’s almost four in the morning, and Hermann’s fast asleep in the armchair, neck on a pretty uncomfortable looking angle.

There’s still a few hormones working around his system, but it’s not enough to stop Newt from getting up and going to Hermann, gently shaking his shoulder. “Hey,” he says when Hermann blinks himself awake. “You’re gonna do a number on your neck if you sleep like that for much longer. You’ve got three bed options now, so pick one of them.”

Hermann sits up, rubbing his neck. “Three?”

“Stretcher bed, your bed… or mine.”

Hermann surveys him. “Heat’s broken,” he says, “but you’re not ready for me to be close just yet… nor are you ready for me to leave. Stretcher will do me another few hours.”

Newt doesn’t bother hiding his relief - because yeah, part of him wants Hermann close, but most of him is still afraid of the last few hormones in _Hermann’s_ system. Until he feels completely clear-headed, he can’t be sure if Hermann is either. “Thanks,” he says. “Okay if I set an alarm for nine?”

Hermann looks at the clock as he walks to the stretcher, then nods. “Good time for breakfast. We both have some meals to catch up on - and then I’m sure you’ll spend the rest of the day napping anyway.”

Newt grins as he gets back into bed. “Yeah, probably. You can do the same.”

“I plan on it,” Hermann says, voice muffled by his pillow. “Sleep, Newton.”

“Already on it.”

***

The alarm is painful, but necessary. Newt sleepily makes his way to the bathroom, then stops in the doorway. “Oh,” he says. 

“Oh?” Hermann asks, sitting on the edge of the stretcher bed, rubbing his eyes.

“Every other time I’ve had to use the bathroom, I was too caught up in my own heat to notice. But, um… wow. It really smells like sex in here.”

He turns back to find Hermann looking equal parts sheepish and amused. “Darling, the whole room does. But I understand the distinction - it’s me. Will it be fine for you to use for now?”

Newt nods. “I’m generally okay while I’m coming down from the hormones. Once I level off completely, repulsion’s going to kick in hard, and I’m not going to be able to come in here.”

“How long?”

“A few hours?”

Hermann nods. “Okay. Then here’s my suggestions for the morning - showers, breakfast, then I’ll clean and air out the bathroom… I imagine you have a similar process for the bedroom?”

“Yeah. And um… after that?”

“That’s up to you.”

Newt clears his throat a little. “I’m - yeah, I’m sorry about this, because you’ve been so good to me the past few days and you really don’t have to clean the bathroom and all that but I’m not gonna say no and after all of this I… I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

Hermann just smiles. “I figured. You said repulsion is going to set in - I imagine you’ll provide yourself with the best aftercare you can and do your best to forget about the whole thing. I’ll stay if you want me to, but I’ll leave if you want me to.”

“I want you to stay. I’ll need you to go.”

“Understood.” Hermann stands and stretches. “Would you like to go back to my room and use my shower?”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“Do I have a track record of minding?”

Newt smiles a little. “You really don’t. Yeah, thanks, that’d be good. I’ll go get breakfast on the way back, bring it in.”

“Thank you.”

Hermann heads for the bathroom. Newt digs out some clean clothes and, making sure he looks presentable enough for the short walk to Hermann’s room, steps out and just about runs straight in to Tendo. “Oh, hey man,” Newt says, glancing down at the bundle of clothes in his arms. “Um. This is probably odd.”

“Things are generally odd with you, Newt,” Tendo says fondly, ruffling his hair. “How are you?”

“Um.” Newt peeks up at Tendo, trying not to smile. “Good. Like, stupid levels of good.”

Tendo smiles. “Yeah? He helped, then?”

“Just made everything so easy. I mean, it still sucked, but I kept my head a lot better than other times and he didn’t ask anything of me I wasn’t comfortable with.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Tendo glances down the hall where a couple of people are headed their way, then takes Newt by the elbow and steers him towards Hermann’s room. “I presume this is where you’re headed. I don’t have the heightened sense of smell that all you Alphas and Omegas have, but I know when someone smells like sex and you are a walking beacon right now, regardless of not having had sex itself. Go have a shower - I’ll get breakfast sent to your room.”

“You’re the best.”

“I think that title goes to Hermann today - though I’m happy to be second best.” Tendo winks, then pats his shoulder. “Off you go. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

Newt unlocks Hermann’s room and heads straight for the shower. It feels so fucking good to finally feel _clean_ , and he ends up staying for a lot longer than planned, only dragging himself out when he remembers that Hermann’s waiting and Tendo’s probably sent breakfast in already. He dries off, dresses, and heads back down the hall.

Both Hermann and breakfast are waiting, and the windows are already open in both his room and the bathroom, fresh air helping clear the smells of sweat and sex that are definitely starting to get to Newt. He wrinkles his nose, and Hermann smiles sympathetically. “Come and inhale the bacon instead,” he suggests.

Newt laughs and does. He’s starving, as he always is after a heat, and ends up eating all of his food and a good chunk of Hermann’s (at Hermann’s insistence). He takes the trays back and, also at Hermann’s insistence, heads outside to stretch his legs while Hermann works on the bathroom. Outside is crisp and cool and lovely, and Newt is incredibly reluctant to go back inside.

He does, though. The room is more tolerable, smelling more like cleaning products than anything else, and Hermann’s even stripped the bed and remade it. “You are amazing,” Newt says, collapsing face-first onto it. 

“Is that everything taken care of?” Hermann asks.

Newt rolls onto his side and looks over at him - and feels the first stirrings of unease. “Yeah,” he says. “Well, everything I’m gonna do with you here anyway. There’s still the box.”

Hermann nods. “Is that my cue to depart?”

Newt sits up. “Well…”

“Yes,” Hermann completes with a smile. “It’s okay. The last thing I want is to stay and be one of the things distressing you. You know where I am if you need me, even if it’s just a phone call. Besides, I could use some sleep.”

Newt latches onto that last sentence - it makes him feel less guilty. “Good. You go sleep. I’ll do the same, I think.”

“Okay.” Hermann gathers his things together, then turns back. “Will you be working tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I’ll… see you then?”

“You will. Look after yourself.”

“Hermann?”

Hermann pauses. “Yes?”

“Thank you,” Newt says as sincerely and earnestly as he can manage. “Seriously. I just… I can’t even tell you how much - just, thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” Hermann says, and quietly lets himself out. 

Newt deals with the box fast once he’s gone, then heads back to bed. With the fresh air sweeping over him and the knowledge that he’s made it through another heat safe and sound, Newt falls asleep.

***

Hermann isn’t there when Newt enters the lab the next morning, and a sudden surge of loneliness overcomes him. He goes to stamp down the Omega instincts, before realising that a lot of that is just _Newt_ himself. He’s had Hermann close for three days straight, and now it’s been close to twenty-four hours since Newt last saw him, and missing him isn’t that out of the ordinary. 

He crosses to his desk, dumps his bag - then smiles _stupidly_ fondly when he spots the note lying in the middle of his desk in Hermann’s handwriting. It’s to let him know that Hermann will be back at eleven, or, failing that, will meet him for lunch at twelve. The subtle reminder to go to lunch isn’t lost on Newt, and he rolls his eyes as he slides the note into a desk drawer. He’s not surprised that Hermann’s going to go protective, and he’s actually kind of happy about it. After finally spending a heat with someone and then not actually being able to have aftercare from them, Newt is looking forward to Hermann fussing over him a bit today. 

But that has to wait. For now, Newt powers up his computer, grimaces at the volume of emails waiting for him, and sets to work.

Hermann arrives at just after eleven, and Newt grins when he spots him. “Hey,” he says.  


Hermann smiles, then heads to his desk. “Good morning. How are you?”

“Good. Slept _great_. You?”

“Slept far too much,” Hermann says wryly as he sits down. “But also good. Lunch in an hour?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Hermann turns his eyes to his computer, and Newt does the same. He’s a little disconcerted that Hermann hasn’t come to give him a hug or anything, but figures Hermann’s just respecting the fact that Newt’s in the middle of work right now. He’ll probably get some kind of affection when they break for lunch. 

Except, he doesn’t. When lunchtime rolls around, Hermann meets him at the door, holds it open for Newt, and then walks with a good foot of distance between them. He doesn’t even so much as brush his hand against Newt’s. His manner towards Newt is as normal as ever, but the physical distance is hard to ignore. 

Newt does his best to ignore it, though. Hermann isn’t always the most demonstratedly affectionate person, and Newt respects that he has off days. He's set to chalk it up to one of those and leave it as it is - until, as they go to leave, Hermann appears to reach out for Newt’s hand, then stop himself. In fact, as far as Newt can tell, Hermann then deliberately puts more distance between them, not meeting Newt’s eye as he does. 

Newt puzzles over that, trying not to let it hurt him. He sits silently at his desk for awhile, remembering the last time he showed up after heat. They weren’t even together at that point, but Hermann still made a point of making him coffee, ensuring he had lunch, and acting in a way that Newt now realises was Hermann trying to care for him without revealing his feelings or crossing the boundaries. And, on normal, non-heat aftermath days, Hermann is never quite this withdrawn, even on the aforementioned off days. 

Newt knows how to put two and two together. He’d spent so much time worrying about how he’d react to having Hermann around while he was in heat; he never thought about how Hermann might react to witnessing it. 

A few months ago, Newt would have wallowed in his hurt, determined to believe that Hermann now detests and despises him. Now, Newt decides he needs more information - and if his information is correct, he needs to address it head-on. Part of him idly notices the personal development; most of him is focused on figuring out what’s going on. 

“Hermann?” he asks.

Hermann looks up. “Yes?”

Newt flicks over to an email he’s been sent, something that he genuinely does need Hermann for. “Can you give me your input on this? This guy seems belligerent for the sake of being belligerent, and there’s a couple of notes I just plain don’t understand.”

Hermann crosses the lab to stand beside him, keeping that same distance, and frowns down at the email. “Oh, this man,” he says after a moment. “I’ve dealt with him before. Forward it on to me and I’ll address him in the appropriate tone.”

Newt laughs and looks up at him. “Thanks.”

Hermann smiles. “You’re welcome.”

And that’s when he sees Hermann reach for his shoulder, then stop. When Hermann draws back and lowers his arm, Newt snaps. “What is wrong with you today?” he asks, getting to his feet. He can’t quite do the eye-to-eye thing, but he’s not confronting Hermann sitting down. “Or… or is it what’s wrong with _me_?”

“With you?”

“You keep going to touch me, and then you stop. Am I… are you fighting your instincts? I know they probably want you to be near me and all that, but if you don’t want to - if what you saw during my heat was off-putting -“

“Oh,” Hermann says softly. “You thought…” He sighs. “Newton, I am fighting my instincts, but not for the reason you think. I know how you struggle with the instinct-driven nature of the Alpha/Omega format relationship. You’ve spent a whole heat fighting your Omega instincts, and I feel it would be unfair now if I simply let my Alpha ones overcome me. I want to be close to you, to look after you, to comfort you… but I don’t want to be overbearing. And I certainly don’t want you to feel that the only reason I’m doing that is because I’m your Alpha - _I_ care because I’m who I am and because you’re who you are and I don’t need instincts and pheromones to wish to keep you safe and happy. But you are an individual who has every right to choose what they want. And you are not incapable. You are already protected and safe and to say that I need to protect you further makes it seem that you cannot look after yourself. I would never demean you in that way.”

Newt listens to all of that in silence, then rolls his eyes, wraps his arms around Hermann, and drags him into a hug. “You seriously worry too much,” he murmurs into his neck. “Haven’t I told you already? I _like_ being looked after when I’ve come out of a heat. And yeah, the whole dominant Alpha taking care of defenceless Omega thing is _bullshit_ , but heats suck. It’s a stressful time for me. If I’ve gone through a stressful time, I’d like my partner to give me a bit of attention and care. We aren’t, and shouldn’t be, instinct-led animals, but sometimes those instincts have it dead right. Give me hugs and make me coffee and tell me to go to bed when I start yawning, and otherwise respect that I’m doing fine and you don’t need to protect me from myself. Do that and we’re good. Okay?”

“Okay,” Hermann agrees softly, and tightens his arms around Newt. “I’ll make up for all the times I’ve wanted to hug you now.”

“Feel free.”

Hermann holds him for a long time, and the world feels okay again. 


	8. lie down in the fire with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His skin feels too tight, too hot, and too wrong. It’s like he’s jumped into another body, a body belonging to someone who enjoys sex and wants to have a lot of it over the next few days. 
> 
> Newt resists the urge to bang his head against the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex happens in this chapter. I’m sex repulsed, I know some fellow readers are too, to varying degrees, so I’ve done my best to not make it explicit. For those who wish/need to skip the sex altogether, because I’ve spoken to a few who do, it’s going to be between the +++ breaks instead of the *** ones. I’ll put in an end note summarising what happens. 
> 
> The way I write heat sex is going to be different to how other authors write heat sex. Again, I think this is something that changes from verse to verse, and so this is how I have it in my verse. My one request is that you please don’t write constructive criticism on the sex itself - I am repulsed, I had a hell of a time writing it, I couldn’t bring myself to go back and edit it without feeling like I was going to have a panic attack, and it really isn’t the focus. Everything else is fair game, but if the sex scene seems like it’s implausible or anything like that, then it probably is and I can’t change that. Thanks for understanding.

He _nearly_ makes it. 

“Just over a week,” Tendo had told him on Saturday. “Next Monday, to be exact. You’re good for nine days, right?”

Newt had done the calculations, then tentatively nodded. “It’ll be cutting it close, but I should make it.”

Except, of _course_ , now it’s Monday afternoon, one week before his blessed pills are due to arrive, and he’s sitting in his room (having taken the day off for a headache and generally feeling out-of-sorts and those should have been warning signs right there), feeling the creeping warmth burn its way up his spine and _why_? What has he done to deserve this?

He should still have a few hours until it sets in, but it’s feeling like that might not be the case. Instead of the small prickles of warmth slowly rolling down to his fingers and toes, he’s feeling shooting bolts, moving through his body, much quicker than usual. His heat is coming on fast and hard and Newt has to groan because there’s a very good chance this one could be bad.

_Bad_ bad.

He picks up the phone. Hermann answers on the second ring. “Hermann,” Newt says, and wow, his voice is already shaky. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hey. Um. Are you busy?”

There’s a pause. _“I get the feeling that I’ll need to make sure I’m not busy for the next few days. Can you give me half an hour to get everything in order?”_

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine.” 

_“Are you okay?”_

“Uh-huh. It’s just…” he sighs. “Coming on strong. Might be bad.”

Another pause. _“Okay,_ ” Hermann says softly. _“We’ll deal with whatever happens._ ”

“See you soon,” Newt says and hangs up. 

He nearly drops the phone - he’s shaky, and he’s already beginning to sweat. His skin feels too tight, too hot, and too wrong. It’s like he’s jumped into another body, a body belonging to someone who enjoys sex and wants to have a lot of it over the next few days. 

Newt resists the urge to bang his head against the wall.

***

When Hermann opens the door, Newt’s sitting on the edge of the bed, knees tucked up to his chin. He eyes Hermann warily, who immediately goes to the far corner and sits down, every movement deliberate and careful. “This is much stronger than last time,” he says. “I can tell already. What do you need?" 

“I don’t know. You.”

“Not what the heat needs. What do _you_ need?” 

Newt’s shaking. “To not be in heat.” 

“I can’t give you that. What can I give you that will help?”

“Sex.”

Hermann snaps his fingers, and the sound startles Newt. “Newton,” he says firmly. “Focus. It has not consumed you.”

Newt shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs away. “Trying,” he says. “God. This is only day one - I can’t do this, Hermann.”

“Do you need me to go?”

“No. Yes. No. _Shit_.”

“Take a deep breath,” Hermann orders, and Newt does. Hermann counts him through it quietly, using the same breathing cycle he’s used before for Newt’s panic attacks, and after a minute of that, Newt’s at least feeling more sane. “Good,” Hermann says once Newt’s breathing calmly on his own. “Now, you have options. I can leave -“ 

“No.”

Hermann nods. “Okay. Then I can stay here, in the corner, and keep you company. I’ll talk you through it and try to keep your mind focused on other things. When you need me to leave, I leave.”

“Is there an option for sex?”

“You tell me.”

Newt closes his eyes and pushes past the heat instincts clamouring at him. Hermann’s right in saying it hasn’t consumed him - not _yet_ , anyway - and there’s enough logical thought for Newt to call upon to know that he’s not reached that point yet, the point where the heat needs become more pressing than the repulsion. “No,” he says. “But it… it might be. Later.”

“If we reach that point, we’ll work through it then,” Hermann says. “For now, you’ve said no, so we work through it how we can. Bath?”

“Mm, maybe. Really cold though.”

“I’ll go run it. You stay calm and focus on figuring out what you need.”

Hermann goes. Newt keeps his eyes closed, pushing his slightly sweaty hair off his face, and sighs. He knows the bath will only provide very temporary relief, and then he’ll be back to this - and before long, the need will rise. The Omega desires will become dominant. 

It’s going to be a long few days.

***

They don’t get the luxury of an easy first day this time. The spikes of need start not long after Newt’s left the bath, and they don’t stop. It feels like Hermann’s only just returned before he’s leaving again, either to the bathroom or for a short walk around the corridors. Hermann’s needs aren’t as strong as Newt’s, and Newt suspects the fresh air is doing him some good - they’re both starting to get overwhelmed by the heat needs. 

Newt naps fitfully and in small snatches. The best he gets is two hours of solid sleep in the early hours of the morning, and when he wakes then, Hermann is still fast asleep. Newt slips into the bathroom, does what he needs to, and goes back to bed. At least one of them should be able to get some proper sleep.

Both of their energy levels are sapped. Hermann still fusses over him, making sure he’s got plenty of water and nutrition shakes, but he’s clearly tired too. They talk when they get the chances, of casual, simple things - TV shows they liked when they were younger, weird college roommate stories, good memories of former Shatterdome colleagues. Things they don’t need to focus too hard on, and stories that can be abandoned if necessary and returned to a few minutes later. 

Newt dozes as much as he can through the second night and into the third day. The spikes of need are fairly regular at this point, but Newt’s keeping track of time, and his anxiety is picking up as he gets closer to the end of the heat. He knows what happens at the end - the final spike, the worst of all - and he’s terrified of what’s going to happen.

Hermann picks up on the anxiety. He doesn’t try to tell Newt it’s okay - instead, he pulls out a book and starts reading, his voice slow and soft and lulling. Newt somehow slips into sleep. 

+++

The heat drags him out of sleep what feels like only a few minutes later. There’s a dull ache in his core, throbbing right through him, and his skin is on fire. Even the touch of his own hand to his chest brings him out in goosebumps. He’s already completely hard. 

He whimpers. He tries to curl further into himself, but also tries to evade his own touch. It’s all too much, too strong, and he needs relief. More than his hand can give him, even more than all the objects in his black box are capable of.  

He needs his Alpha. And his Alpha is here. 

Hermann’s awake, watching him from across the room. He’s got a firm hold on the arms of the chair he’s sitting in, and his eyes are fixated and dark. He’s also carefully positioned his lower body away from Newt. 

It makes sense. Hermann, as his Alpha, responds accordingly to Newt’s level of heat. And when Newt’s got the heat coursing through his veins, Hermann’s own body reacts, preparing him for the energy levels he’ll need to fulfil his Omega’s needs. He isn’t going to be in the same level of agony that Newt is, but he’s pretty far gone. 

But he’s keeping his distance, even though Newt can smell how wild his hormones are. He wants to be with Newt, touching him, satisfying him, satisfying them _both_ … but he isn’t. He’s respecting Newt’s boundaries and needs, even though it’s in direct conflict with both of their instincts. 

Shit, Newt _loves_ him. And maybe that’ll make it easier to deal with the growing distress he’s feeling as he realises what needs to happen next.

“Hermann,” he murmurs, then groans a little when he hears how wrecked his voice is. “It’s too much. Need you.”

Hermann doesn’t move. “Tell me what I need to hear,” he says. 

“I need you to have sex with me to get me through the heat,” Newt says, his voice breaking over the sentence, the one they’ve agreed he has to say in full and as calmly as possible before Hermann will do anything, the one that makes it explicitly clear. “I’m gonna cry, I can already tell but… but the heat is too strong. Too much for me. I can’t take it.”

Because he really, truly can’t, and he loathes having to so much as admit that. But sometimes the heat just builds too far, to a point where his Omega needs become more pressing than his asexual ones. Newt’s priority in spending his heats alone has always been taking care of the needs that are more important, and this time is no different. It’s just that, this time, the priority has changed - and he has a way to manage it.

He’s still asexual, still sex-repulsed. He’s still going to hate this, going to be wishing he was anywhere but here. But he’s _choosing_ this, and that’s what matters. The heat is overwhelming, but his mind is still sane. He’s making a conscious choice to endure having sex now so he doesn’t spend the next few hours burning up from the inside out. He’s not just going with his instincts, he’s going with what he knows is the best option right now. And if he holds on to that knowledge, he’ll be okay. 

Hermann stands, crosses the room, and sits on the edge of the bed. “You are still in control,” he says. “If you tell me to end it, it’s over. But I won’t stop if you cry - I will take any tears as par the course. I know this isn’t going to be easy.” 

Newt sits up and lets the instincts of his body take over. He quickly strips off his clothes, Hermann doing the same, and looks into Hermann’s eyes. It’s the safest place. “Get me through it,” he says.

Hermann presses a hand to his back and Newt groans low in his throat at how _amazing_ it feels. He tries to think of it in a nonsexual way - it’s just a hand, it’s touching his back, that’s all - but his body’s obvious reaction to the touch is unavoidable. “I’ve got you,” Hermann says softly. “Will it help if we keep eye contact?”

“Dunno. Maybe? Worth a try.”

“Okay. Lie back for me?” Newt does, and Hermann kneels between his legs. Newt keeps his eyes firmly on Hermann’s, who keeps looking steadily back. “Ready?” 

“Do it,” Newt says. It’s easier than saying no and dealing with Hermann stopping everything - he’s not ready, never will be, but it’s time. And at least he doesn't have to worry about foreplay; his body is completely ready for Hermann. Unlike his mind. 

Hermann presses into him and Newt chokes on a sob - his body is so _relieved_ , but now his heart aching instead. He _hates_ this. 

But thank god for Hermann, who knows how to do a job right. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t ask whether Newt needs him to pull out, just keeps going. Only when he’s set up a steady rhythm, when Newt is falling to pieces in ten different ways beneath him, does Hermann check in. He catches one of Newt’s hands, laces it with his own, and squeezes gently - and how he keeps it gentle when everything else is so wild and fierce, Newt doesn’t know. “Okay?” he asks. 

Newt’s crying pretty steadily now, but he nods - he’s actively upset, but it’s not _entirely_ as bad as he had predicted. “First one’s coming really soon.”

“I’ve got you,” Hermann promises again. “You’re safe. You’re doing so well, darling.”

And the intimacy actually helps, actually tips Newt over the edge into his first orgasm a lot faster than he’d thought - and in the roiling mix of relief, disgust and resignation, there’s hints of comfort and security. He’s not going to fall apart, not completely. And Hermann will put him back together when it’s over. 

His recovery time is already fast, as is usual during heat, but tonight it’s relentless. He’s barely finished the first orgasm before he’s building to the second. At least it’s going to be over fast, and Hermann’s helping so fucking much, keeping the rhythm, keeping the eye contact, getting him through it. Looking Hermann in the eyes is absolutely helping - Newt’s mind does all it can to detatch from what his body is doing, and Hermann’s eyes are a constant that, although dark and clearly filled with desire, are familiar. Hermann respects him and his right to consent - Hermann would stop if Newt asked him to, and Hermann is only doing this now because Newt’s asked him to.

He’s going to get through this.  

He gets through another orgasm - and how ridiculous, this thing that people spend so long waiting for and building to, Newt is trying to rush past - and for a few moments he has to close his eyes. He feels like he’s going to have a panic attack, or like he’s going to tear right out of his skin. “Hermann,” he whines. 

“Words,” Hermann says. He’s breathless, but his voice is still firm.

“Need an anchor.”

Hermann catches his other hand, grabs both of his wrists and pins them to the mattress, either side of his head. He doesn’t say another word - he doesn’t need to. Newt’s always responded well to being held in place, can feel the security of the hands around his wrists and the bed underneath them. He knows he’s here, and he’s not going anywhere else. 

Newt opens his eyes again. Hermann meets them steadily. If nothing else is steady in this room, Hermann is, and he’ll be the anchor Newt needs to get through this.

His third orgasm hits and Newt waits for the boneless relief…

That never comes. He’s not sated yet. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” he sobs, and yanks his hands free to cover his face as he bursts into tears. “Goddamn it, _why_?”

Hermann stops. He doesn’t pull out, clearly knowing that if he does, it’s over, and it can’t be over, not until it’s _over_. But he stays still, with what must be tremendous effort, and wraps his arms around Newt, drawing him up into his lap and his embrace. “One more,” he murmurs, rubbing Newt’s back as Newt sobs helplessly into his shoulder. “You can do it."  

Newt doesn’t give himself long to deal with his emotions - the heat is still rolling through him, relentless, and he’s getting hard again. So he pulls himself together, pushes the voices crying for him to stop to the back of his mind, and takes control. He stays in Hermann’s arms, presses his hands to the tops of Hermann’s shoulders, and begins to move. 

 “That’s it,” Hermann encourages gently. “You’re doing so well, just a bit further. It’s almost over. I’ve got you, I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

The words wrap around him, a bubble of safety and intimacy. They don’t make the sex any better, but they make it easier to bear. And, as his distress lessens, just a little, he finally comes for the fourth time and immediately goes limp. 

Thank _god_.

Hermann catches him, gently laying him back on the bed. He pulls out as he does, and Newt frowns, stares up at him - because Hermann’s still hard. “You’re not…?” 

“No,” Hermann says, his tone gentle. “I won’t do that to you. But I am going to need to disappear for a few minutes. I can’t - I can’t hold back too much longer. You’ll be okay?” 

“Yeah. Need a minute to myself anyway. Go.”

Hermann goes, heading to the bathroom quickly and a little unsteadily. Newt regains enough control over his boneless arms to lift them to his face, to wipe the tears from his cheeks. He’s stopped crying already - though that’s probably due to the shock.  

From his tentative, peeking-through-his-fingers, research, Newt’s learned that in heat sex, Alphas aren’t able to reach orgasm until their Omega is sated. It explains why, back in his college dorm room with Steve, as soon as Newt had gone limp and pliant, Steve had finally come. At the time it had just seemed like incredible timing and self restraint - now Newt knows better. It’s not possible for an Alpha to come at all until the Omega has gotten what they need, and usually that involves at least an orgasm, and anywhere up to five if the situation is intense. And since it’s taken Newt four tonight, he was certain that Hermann would have come within seconds of his final one, simply unable to hold back.

Instead, Hermann held on to his self control long enough to get Newt settled, check in on his wellbeing, and get to the bathroom to take care of himself. His own needs and instincts clearly attacking him, driving him towards his own satisfaction, pushed aside to make sure that Newt was coping.

Newt’s just finished having sex. He feels gross and upset about it - that’s normal enough for him. But, for the first time, he feels _cherished,_ something other Omegas have always talked about feeling when being taken through heat by their Alpha _._ In Newt’s case, it isn’t through the sex, but through the care Hermann’s shown him afterwards that he feels so cared for and loved.  

Newt fumbles beside the bed for his clothes. He’s still too warm to wear a shirt, but sweatpants are vital and he gets them on, settles himself back into bed, and waits.  

When Hermann emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later, he looks a lot calmer. His limp is back - the Alpha adrenaline helps keep it away during the intense moments, and thankfully keeps him from sustaining any further injury or strain during the sex - and he’s holding a washcloth. He’s also put on a pair of sweatpants, something that makes Newt feel even more grateful. “When you’re ready, I’ll bring this over,” he says quietly. “I’ll only get as close as I have to, and then I’ll go back to the other side of the room - or out of the room completely if you need more privacy -“

“Come here,” Newt says softly. Hermann blinks, and Newt smiles a little. “Please?” he adds for good measure. 

Hermann crosses the room once again. He stands a step away from the bed, taking Newt in. “Tell me what you need," he says. “Be very clear.” 

“Listen to your instincts,” Newt says. “What are they telling you to do?”

Hermann looks like he’s fighting a battle. “Look after you,” he says. “Comfort you, care for you. Keep you close.”

Newt holds out his hand for the washcloth, quickly cleaning himself up when Hermann gives it to him. He tosses it on the bedside table - the room smells enough like sex that it’s hardly going to matter - and then holds out his hand for Hermann. “Follow them,” he says. 

“Newton -“

“Trust me,” Newt murmurs. “Hermann, you’re my Alpha. And yeah, the sex wasn’t fun, but you… you did so much more than just get me through it. You made me feel safe. I want you here. The heat’s gonna break now, and I trust you to be nothing but a gentleman.” 

Hermann smiles a little. "I don’t think I’d be capable of being anything else right now either." 

“Then come and cuddle with me and we can sleep.”

“Okay,” Hermann says, and crosses back to switch off the lights before joining Newt in bed. “Do you think you made the right decision?” he asks as they make themselves comfortable, finding one another easily in the dark. 

Newt considers it. He feels the security of Hermann’s arms around him, thinks of the promises that he’s kept and what Hermann’s done for him tonight. He knows that this time the sex was necessary - because sex is not necessary for him to live his life, he isn’t missing anything by not choosing to have it, but sometimes he does have to make that choice to do what’s best for him. And he knows Hermann knows it, and Hermann has done everything in his power to keep Newt safe and sane and to get him through it with his heart intact.

Newt doesn’t feel broken. He sure as hell doesn’t want to ever have to do that again, but it hasn’t destroyed him. Hermann wouldn’t let it. 

“Yeah,” he says, and burrows into Hermann’s shoulder. “Think I did.”

+++

Newt wakes up late the next morning, coming out of sleep slowly and languidly. It's nice as hell, but it feels wrong, like he shouldn't be feeling this relaxed -

Oh, right. The heat. 

But it only takes a second to realize that his heat has definitely broken. He's still feeling the last waves, but they're an ebbing tide now, fading away, leaving him tired and sore and -

Sore?

Oh.  

Newt opens his eyes and looks across the room to where Hermann sits, typing at his tablet. He looks pretty tired himself, but far less tense - his own hormones have settled as Newt's heat fades. 

Newt props himself up on his elbows to watch him, but the action catches Hermann's attention and he looks up. "You're awake," he says. "Did you sleep well?"

"Surprisingly well. Did you?" 

"I got a few hours," Hermann says. "I'll catch up tonight."

"Good. Um. So... why are you all the way over there?" Because he distinctly remembers being in Hermann's arms as he fell asleep after the heat peaked, and now he's feeling kinda...

Well, lonely, if he's honest. And a little bit unsure. 

Hermann sets the tablet aside and comes back across the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I wasn't sure how you'd respond to waking to to me so close. I knew your heat had broken, but it isn't entirely over, and I didn't want to make you feel crowded or pressured… or that I desire anything of you that you aren’t willing to give.”

Newt sits up and holds out his arms. Hermann doesn't hesitate in wrapping him up in a hug, and Newt clings close and inhales the pheromones, the ones promising safety and protection and comfort. His unease fades. "Thanks," he says quietly. 

Hermann smoothes a hand over his back. "How do you feel?" he asks. 

"Tired. But, um. Satisfied."

Hermann hums in approval. "Good. And physically?"

"Bit sore," Newt admits quietly. 

"I thought you might be. It's hard enough on Omegas who regularly have heat sex; your body is unused to that level of exertion." Hermann pulls away a little, looking at him with overwhelming fondness, as if he's exactly where he wants to be in the universe right now. "I could run you a bath? If the bathroom will be okay?” 

Newt smiles. "Yeah. Please."

"Okay." Hermann kisses his cheek. "I'm proud of you. You did so well." 

Newt leans back into him. He's not ready to let go just yet. "You helped," he murmurs. "Heaps. That... it seriously sucked, but you made it suck less. I'm glad you're here."

Hermann sighs in what can only be contentment. "I'm glad I'm here too. And I know, if it's like last time, you'll need time to yourself this afternoon - but to be able to hold you now, it's... wonderful." 

"There are some good parts to a heat," Newt admits. "This bit, when it's all over and you want to keep me close. You make me feel safe."

Hermann doesn't respond, just tightens his hold. It says enough on its own.  

They have to disentangle eventually - Newt's feeling pretty stiff and sore now, and Hermann settles him back into bed as he goes to run him a bath. While he does, Newt takes stock of how he's feeling. Apart from the aforementioned exhaustion and soreness, he's doing okay. He'll need time to himself soon, to try to start feeling like he belongs in his own skin again, and he's worried about how he'll feel when the heat haze wears off, but those are worries for later. 

Right now, he's going to relax as much as he can and let his Alpha take care of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the sex scene, here’s a basic summary: the heat gets too strong and Newt knows he needs to engage in sex or his mind is going to suffer for it. So he makes it clear to Hermann that he’s making this decision, and Hermann agrees to guide him through it. It takes longer than usual and Newt is visibly distressed the whole time but Hermann gets him through it. Hermann then heads straight to the bathroom to take care of himself because he wasn’t going to put Newt through that, and Newt’s kind of blown away by that. He realizes that he feels protected and cared for - not because of the sex but because of Hermann’s clear and obvious care for him and Hermann keeping him safe. When Hermann gets back, Newt insists on them cuddling because he knows the heat’s gonna break now and he wants Hermann close since Hermann’s been so good to him. 
> 
> This was not easy to write. I hope it came out okay, I really do.


	9. yesterday is gone and you will be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann chuckles and draws Newt in for another kiss. “You’re still my Omega,” he murmurs. “With or without the heat sex.”
> 
> “Without the heat sex, thanks,” Newt says, and Hermann laughs again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was originally going to have ten chapters, but this thing just didn’t want to go anywhere so I cut a chapter and pulled together an ending. I hope it wraps up nicely enough and that you’ve enjoyed this fic - it’s my final piece in the Pacific Rim fandom (for now, we’ll see what happens when we get the sequel) and it’s certainly been interesting to write.

On Monday morning, a box is dropped on top of Newt’s paperwork. Newt looks at it, grins, then jumps out of his chair to hug Tendo. “You’re the best,” he says.

Tendo laughs. “And he says that with his Alpha in the room.”

“Oh, I’m just as grateful,” Hermann says. “Just not quite to the degree that I wish to hug you.”

Tendo turns to smirk at Hermann. “You’re missing out.”

“I’m sure I’ll cope. But thank you for getting the pills to him - I know you must have had to pull quite a few strings.”

Newt frowns. “Huh? Why?”

“Stacker was the only reason all the Omegas around here got the pills,” Tendo reminds him. “With him gone, and with the priority work of the Shatterdome officially over, all Omegas below Priority One have had their suppressant pill rights rescinded, excluding those still struggling with their exposure to Kaiju toxins of course.”

“I’m Priority Three and healthy,” Newt says. “How’d you do it?”

“Well,” Tendo says slowly, drawing some paperwork out of one of his files, “you’re kinda not Priority Three anymore. Actually, you haven’t been Priority Three for about a year now.”

Newt frowns and takes the piece of paper - because yeah, he’s worked hard during the war and helped out and saved the world and all that, but he’s still not in a field or position that allows him to be classed as Priority One. But there it is, in black and white, and with…

Pentacost’s signature?

“I know people have short memories,” Tendo says as Newt stares at it. “I knew after this war ended, there’d be all kinds of reasons for you to not be allowed your pills again. So, since you and Hermann were the only scientists registered in the PPDC, we decided that you fit the criteria for fulfilling a job that only you could do, and nobody else was able to step in for you if you needed time off for a heat. Stacker signed off on it - for both of you, by the way - and it was approved. Partially, I think, because people had bigger worries at that time, and because it didn’t matter - nobody was getting the pills so your status was a moot point.”

“And now?” Hermann asks. “We’re just scientists again.”

Tendo smiles. “Stacker signed them off. It needs his signature, or the signature of his replacement, to change it. And there’s no Marshal around here anymore.”

“You’d classify -“

“You think I’m putting my hand up to change that? The way I see it, Newt deserves those pills. Nobody’s been calling us up asking why he’s getting them, so it’s not like I’m lying or fobbing people off with excuses - nobody cares. I ordered in enough to get him through twenty heats; in five years, maybe they’ll have figured it out and changed his priority status and you’ll have a fight on your hands. But maybe in five years we’ll have a better world in which people aren’t banned from taking pills that help them live their lives better, all because some cocky Alphas believe it lessens their own influence. Either way, you’ve got five years of no heats, guaranteed. Take them.”

Hermann stands. “I think I will hug you now, Tendo,” he says. 

Tendo happily accepts the hug, then another from Newt. “I’m out of here in three days,” he tells them as Hermann steps over to Newt, slipping an arm around him. “Landed myself a sweet gig in Canada. Apparently they’re looking for scientists too, but since the whole world wants you… well, keep in touch, if nothing else.”

“We will,” Newt promises. “And, if nothing else, we’ll come visit. Have fun building your new harem.”

Tendo winks and leaves on that note. They’ll say a proper goodbye when he actually goes, but Tendo’s perceptive enough to know that Newt probably wants some time alone with Hermann right now.

Newt sure does. As soon as Tendo leaves, Newt turns so he’s hugging Hermann properly. “No more heats,” he whispers. “Five years of guaranteed freedom.”

“I’m glad," Hermann says, stroking his hair. “With that stress out of the way, we can focus on better things - like where we’re going to go, and if you’ll live with me when we go there.”

“Are you kidding? Of course I will.” Newt lifts his head and kisses Hermann, soft and sweet. “The Alpha in you isn’t disappointed?”

“The Alpha in me is glad you’re cared for, and knows he can take care of you outside of heats.”

Newt smiles. “The Omega in me wants to kiss you some more for that.”

“Just the Omega?”

“Maybe a little bit of the rest of me too?”

Hermann chuckles and draws Newt in for another kiss. “You’re still my Omega,” he murmurs. “With or without the heat sex.”

“ _Without_ the heat sex, thanks,” Newt says, and Hermann laughs again. “But… well, at some point, I think I’ll probably want to go off the pills for one more heat.”

Hermann frowns. "I hope this isn't some test of your willpower or you showing that you are capable of handling it. Neither is necessary."

Newt shakes his head. "Nah. Nothing like that. But there are some things that can only happen during a heat -"

"Conception?" Hermann asks, and he's gone very pale. "You want to -?"

Newt bursts out laughing. "Oh my god, Herms, no," he says when he's got a modicum of control back. "I'm not even close to considering kids, and I wouldn't just throw it at you like that if I was."

Hermann looks incredibly relieved. "Then what?"

Newt suddenly feels a little shy. "Guess I'm kinda throwing this one at you too, to be honest, but... well, I’ve been thinking about it and I - I do really like the idea of bonding.”

There's a long silence. 

Then Hermann's palms are cupping his cheeks, Hermann's pressing soft kisses to his lips, and Hermann is _alight_. "You want to bond?" he asks between kisses, and then draws back before Newt gets a chance to respond. "But is it worth enduring another heat for? Won't it just... be a bad memory?"

"When I look back at that last heat, I don't think about the sex," Newt says honestly. "I remember you taking care of me, both in heat and afterwards. And it's not... this isn't one of those stupid stories where true love overcomes all and I can have happy and normal heats with you as my Alpha. I'm still asexual. I still hate sex. I'm still going back on my pills. But if we bond, if I have to endure more sex for that, it won't be the sex that I remember. It'll be the bonding - the display of you taking me as yours, how much you love me. That’s what I want. Not yet, not until we’ve been together longer and talked about it more and we’re both really sure, but I’m considering it. A lot.”

Hermann kisses him again, for longer and with the most beautiful contented happiness. “I am too," Hermann murmurs. “And it will mean so much because you _chose_ it. It didn’t happen in the heat of the moment - it was something we planned for and something you endured a struggle to get to.”

Newt wants to make a joke about _heat of the moment_ , but he also wants to kiss Hermann some more and really, that’s far more pressing. Except…

“And if we don’t bond?”

Hermann understands. “Then I’ll still love you and want you as mine. Always.”

Newt kisses him now, letting his arms twine around Hermann’s neck. Hermann kisses him back, soft and unassuming, and Newt knows that’s all Hermann’s kisses will ever be. This is all Hermann wants of him - to be exactly as he is. 

So that’s what Newt will be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys!


End file.
